Most viewed jokes

They say that it's tough to learn Bosnian because it has seven verb tenses: six past, one present, and no future.

Why are elephants large, grey and wrinkly?
→ Because if they were small round and white, they would be aspirins.

At a medical convention, a male doctor and a female doctor start eyeing each other. The male doctor asks her to dinner and she accepts. As they sit down at the restaurant, she excuses herself to go and wash her hands.

After dinner, one thing leads to another and they end up in her hotel bedroom.
Just as things get hot, the female doctor interrupts and says she has to go and wash her hands. Once she comes back they go for it.
After the sex session, she gets up and says she is going to wash her hands.

As she comes back the male doctor says:

- I bet you are a surgeon.

She confirms and asks how he knew:

- Easy, you're always washing your hands.

She then says:

- I bet you're an anesthesiologist.

- Male doctor: Wow, how did you guess?

- Female doctor: I didn't feel a thing.

This guy goes to the zoo one day. While standing in front of the gorilla's cage, a gust of wind swept some dust into his eye. As he rubbed his eyelid, the gorilla went crazy, bent open the bars, and beat the guy senseless.
When the guy came to his senses, he reported the incident to the zookeeper. Nodding, the zookeeper explained that pulling down your eyelid means "F**k you!" in gorilla language. The explanation didn't make the victim feel any better and he vowed revenge.
The next day he purchased two large knives, two party hats, two party horns, and a large sausage.
Putting the sausage in his pants, he hurried to the zoo and over to the gorilla's cage, where he tossed a hat, a knife, and a party horn.
Knowing that gorillas were natural mimics, he put on a party hat.
The gorilla looked at him, looked at the hat, and put it on. Next, he picked up his horn and blew on it. The gorilla picked up his horn and did the same. Then the man picked up his knife, whipped the sausage out of his pants, and sliced it in half.
The gorilla looked at the knife, looked at his own crotch, looked at the man, and pulled down his eyelid.

What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?
→ Stick his bill up his ass.

How did a blind woman drive herself crazy?
→ Trying to read a stucco wall.

The housewife answered a knock on the door and found a total stranger standing on the doorstep.

- Excuse me for disturbing you, ma'am - he said politely - but I pass your house every morning on my way to work, and I've noticed that every day you appear to be hitting your son on the head with a loaf of bread!

- That's right.

- Every day you wallop him on the head with a loaf of bread, and yet this morning you were hitting him with a chocolate cake....?

- Well, today is his birthday!

Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock?
→ Because it was marble cake!

Why did the rooster run away?
→ He was chicken!

A woman went to a sweet store to buy some sweets.
The boy behind the counter said:

- Gosh, your ugly aren't you?, I've never seen anyone so hideous as you before

- Young man - she replied. I didn't come here to be insulted

- Really - he said, Where do you usually go?