Guest
Dracula Crossed with Lancelot
What do you get if you cross Dracula with Sir Lancelot?
→ A bite in shining armor.
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Guest
Engaged Girl
Why is an engaged girl like a telephone?
→ Because they both have rings.
Guest
Forgotten By God
A pious man who had reached the age of 105 suddenly stopped going to synagogue. Alarmed by the old fellow's absence after so many years of faithful attendance the Rabbi went to see him.
He found him in excellent health, so the Rabbi asked:
- How come after all these years we don't see you at services anymore?
The old man looked around and lowered his voice.
- I'll tell you, Rabbi - he whispered.
- When I got to be 90, I expected God to take me any day. But then I got to be 95, then 100, then 105.
So I figured that God is very busy and must've forgotten about me, and I don't want to remind Him!
Guest
Political Compliment
A political man to a woman:
- You look beautiful today!!!!
The woman replied:
- Thanks, but unfortunately I could not say the same about you.
- Sure you could!! - said the political man, if you could lie as well as I do!
Smoking and Heaven
- Jay: Does the Bible say that if you smoke you can't get to heaven?
- Ted: No, but the more you smoke the quicker you'll get there.
Guest
Gorilla Operetta
Which operetta make the Gorilla crack up?
→ Nutty Marietta!
Bankrupt Cowboy
Why can't the bankrupt cowboy complain?
→ He has got no beef.
Guest
Four Legs And An Arm
What has got four legs and an arm?
→ A Rottweiler in a playground.
Guest
Chalk Circle
One day while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck. The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car. He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle. Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires. The blonde started laughing. This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield. This time the blonde laughed even harder.
Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car. The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny.
The blonde giggled and replied:
- When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!
Guest
The Bank Manager's Balance
- Our bank manager can't ride a bike any more.
- Why not?
- He lost his balance.