Most viewed jokes

Four married guys go golfing on Sunday. During the 3rd hole the following conversation ensued:

- First Guy: Man, you have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out golfing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend.

- Second Guy: That's nothing, I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new deck for the pool.

- Third Guy: Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I will remodel the kitchen for her.

They continue to play the hole when they realized that the fourth guy has not said a word. So they ask him:

- You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come golfing this weekend. What's the deal?

- Fourth Guy: I don't want to talk about it. Let's just say that the foundation for the new house is being poured next Tuesday.

What do tigers wear in bed?
→ Stripey pyjamas!

A man and woman where on their honeymoon after a long and very happy courtship. On their honeymoon, they decide to take their horses through the beautiful mountain passes of Europe. As the horses were crossing a small stream, the woman's horse mis-steps and jostles the man's wife. Once across the stream, the man dismounts, walks over to the horse, and stares into its eyes.
Finally, he states:

- That's one.

The man remounts his horse and they continue their ride.

A bit further down the path, the woman's horse stumbles when stepping over a fallen tree. The man dismounts, stares the horse in the eyes, and boldly states:

- That's two!

He returns to his saddle and they move on.

As the afternoon sun began to set, the woman's horse once again lost its footing on a mossy slope. The man dismounts, moves to the woman's horse, and helps his wife out of the saddle the man. Moving to the front of the horse he stares it in the eyes and firmly says:

- That's three,

removes a pistol from his vest, and shots the horse dead.

The woman, quite upset at seeing the beautiful horse killed, says to her husband:

- That's terrible, why would you do such a thing!

The man stares at his wife and firmly says:

- That's one!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Brad

- Brad who?

- Brad news I'm afraid!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Asa

- Asa who?

- Asa-int amongst men!

Why did the mummy stop using the Internet?
→ He was getting far too wrapped up in it.

- Doctor, Doctor I feel like a pair of curtains

- Well pull yourself together then

What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
→ Her ankles.

Why are rivers lazy?
→ Because they never get off their beds.

There is a new Barbie doll on the market -

Disco Barbie ...dressed in chiffon; includes disco ball