Most viewed jokes

A University had advertised for two biologists to help in their mammalogy department, specifically with a group of captive grizzly bears.
They had only two applicants - a beautiful young women biologist and an older male biologist.

The mammalogist in charge of the project knew that not everyone can handle working with such fierce creatures so he decided to test their skills with the bears. The two hopefuls followed him out to the bear pen.

He first asked the young women to show him what she could do.

She entered the cage, stripped down to her bikini, and the largest bear walked up and nuzzled her bare legs.

The astonished mammalogist then said to the old man:

- Can you do that?

- You're darn right I can - said the old man.

- just get that bear out of there first!

What animal always goes to bed with its shoes on?
→ A horse!

USAir recently introduced a special half fare for wives who accompanied their husbands on business trips.

Expecting valuable testimonials, the PR department sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who had used the special rates, asking how they enjoyed their trip. Letters are still pouring in asking:

- What trip?

How does an apple a day keep the doctor away?
→ When you take careful aim.

How do you confuse a woman??
→ Give her a choice!!

He really loved her but he was just too shy to propose to her. Now he was up in his years and neither of them had ever been married. Of course, they dated about once a week for the past six years but he was so timid he just never got around to suggesting marriage, much less living together.

But one day, he became determined to ask her the question. So he calls her on the phone:

- Judith?

- Yes, this is Judith.

- Will you marry me?

- Of course. Who's speaking?

- Real estate man: Would you like to see a model home?

- Man: I sure would, when does she get off work?

What is the difference between a single 40-year-old woman and a single 40-year-old man?
→ The 40-year-old woman thinks often of having children and the 40-year-old man thinks often about dating them.

TOP TEN SIGNS YOU PICKED THE WRONG INTERNET SERVICE PROVIDER

1. Their company logo: two tin cans and a length of string.
2. You check out their address, and it's a phone booth containing a Compaq portable and an acoustic coupler.
3. Their chief technical officer lives in a 10-foot-by-7-foot shack in the woods.
4. Their proud boast:

- We've been on the Internet since it was CB radio.

5. Their promo materials use the words "information" and "superhighway" in the same sentence.
6. You order an SLIP/PPP connection, email, and 2MB of server space for your personal Web site, and the voice on the other end of the phone asks:

- Would you like fries with that?

7. "As seen in Better Business Bureau special reports."
8. "Access speeds up to 9,600 BPS in most areas."
9. They hawk both domain names and Rolexes on street corners.
10. They charge by the word.

REASONS FOR LEAVING THE LAST JOB:--Responsibility makes me nervous.--They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning.

Couldn't work under those conditions.

REASONS FOR LEAVING MY LAST JOB:--Was met with a string of broken promises and lies, as well as cockroaches.--I was working for my mom until she decided to move.--The company made me a scapegoat - just like my three previous employers.

JOB RESPONSIBILITIES:--While I am open to the initial nature of an assignment, I am decidedly disposed that it be so oriented as to at least partially incorporate the experience enjoyed heretofore and that it be configured so as to ultimately lead to the application of more rarefied facets of financial management as the major sphere of responsibility.--I was proud to win the Gregg Typting Award.

SPECIAL REQUESTS & JOB OBJECTIVES:--Please call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed and my employer does not know I am looking for another job.--My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I have no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.--I procrastinate - especially when the task is unpleasant.

PHYSICAL DISABILITIES:--Minor allergies to house cats and Mongolian sheep.

PERSONAL INTERESTS:--Donating blood. 14 gallons so far.

SMALL TYPOS THAT CAN CHANGE THE MEANING:--Education: College, August 1880-May 1984.--Work Experience: Dealing with customers' conflicts that arouse.--Develop and recommend an annual operating expense fudget.--I'm a rabid typist.--Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain operation.