Most viewed jokes

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.

- But, officer - the man began:

- I can explain

- Just be quiet - snapped the officer.

- I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.

- But, officer, I just wanted to say

- And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!

A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said:

- Lucky for you that the chief's at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back.

- Don't count on it - answered the fellow in the cell.

- I'm the groom.

Whose parrot sits on his shoulder shouting:

- Pieces of four?

→ Short John Silver!

What's the definition of Polystyrene?
→ A plastic parrot!

- I don't think my Mom knows much about children.

- Why do you say that?

- Because she always puts me to bed when I'm wide awake, and gets me up when I'm sleepy!

There is a new Barbie doll on the market -

Divorce Barbie ...includes the house, the car, and half of Ken's belongings

Two men walked into a bar.

You would think at least one of them would have ducked.

A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first.
This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular culling of the weakest members.

In much the same way the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells.
Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.

In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.

That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers.

What would you call two bananas?
→ A pair of slippers.

What's yellow and flashes?
→ A banana with a loose connection.

How does the captain know the aircraft is safely at the ramp?
→ Both the engines and the co-pilot stop whining.