Most viewed jokes

- "Hard drive" -- Trying to climb a steep, muddy hill with 3 flat tires and pulling a trailer load of fertilizer.

- "Keyboard" -- Place to hang your truck keys.

- "Window" -- Place in the truck to hang your guns.

- "Floppy" -- When you run out of Polygrip.

- "Modem" -- How you got rid of your dandelions.

- "ROM" -- Delicious when you mix it with coca cola.

- "Byte" -- First word in a kiss-off phrase.

- "Reboot" -- What you do when the first pair gets covered with barnyard stuff.

- "Network" -- Activity meant to provide bait for your trot line.

- "Mouse" -- Fuzzy, soft thing you stuff in your beer bottle in order to get a free case.

- "LAN" -- To borrow as in, "Hey Delbert! LAN me yore truck."

- "Cursor" -- What some guys do when they are mad at their wife and/or girlfriend.

- "bit" -- A wager as in, "I bit you can't spit that watermelon seed across the porch longways."

- "digital control" -- What yore fingers do on the TV remote.

- "packet" -- What you do to a suitcase or Wal-Mart bag before a trip.

A woman that was on her death-bed turned to her husband telling him he should get married soon after she'll die, to which the man said:

- OK.

Then she told him that he may bring the new wife to her home.

- OK - said the man.

- And you may give her my silver.

- OK - said he.

- You will also give her my jewelry.

- OK - said the man.

- And you will also give her my dresses - said the woman.

- This will not be possible - answered the man - you see, you are size 8 and she is size 10.

There were three girls in a bar. One girl says...

- I can get a whole hand up my cunt!

Then the second girl says:

- well, I can get a whole foot up mine!

Finally, the other girl says:

- I don't mean to brag, but could you help me off this stool!

Famous interpretations of "Why did the Chicken cross the road?"

Bill Clinton: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please...

Louis Farrakhan: The road, you will see, represents the black man.
The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him down!

Colonel Sanders: I missed one?

L.A Poliece Department: Give us five minutes with the chicken, and we'll find out.

Jerry Falwell: Because the chicken was gay! isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the other side. thats what "they" call it: the "other side". Yes, my friends the chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too!

Ronald Regan: What Chicken?

Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion, and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it!

ROBERT DE NIRO: Are you telling me the chicken crossed that road? Is that what you're telling me?

Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.

Marting Luther King, Jr.: I envision a world where all chickens, be they black or white or brown or red or speckled, will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

Grandpa: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

Aristotle: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.

Captain James T. Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

Fox Mulder: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it's true?

Freud: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity. How do you feel about your mother?

Bill Gates: We have just released eChicken 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs (only in the proprietary brown_ms.egg format), file your important documents, and balance your chequebook and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

The CIA: Who told you about the chicken? Did you see the chicken? There was no chicken. Please step into the car, sir.

Einstein: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken.

Why was the skunk angry?
→ He was incensed!

Why did the tadpole feel lonely?
→ Because he was newt to the area!

Two men were stopped by a TV newswoman doing street interviews about the upcoming presidential primary election.

- I'm not voting for any of the candidates - the first man said.

- I don't know any of them.

- I feel the same way - the second man said.

- Only I know them all.

There is a new Barbie doll on the market -

Human Cannonball Barbie ...complete with spring-loaded cannon that will shoot her 15-20 feet

- ATC: Cessna G-ABCD What are your intentions?

- Cessna: To get my Commercial Pilots Licence and Instrument Rating.

- ATC: I meant in the next five minutes not years.

A man named Mr. Smith was flying from San Francisco to LA.
Unexpectedly the plane stopped in Sacramento along the way. The flight attendant explained that there would be a delay, and if the passengers wanted to get off the aircraft, the plane would re-board in 30 minutes.
Everybody got off the plane except one gentleman who was blind. Mr. Smith had noticed him as he walked by and could tell the blind man had flown before because his Seeing Eye dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of him throughout the entire flight.

Mr. Smith could also tell he had flown this very flight before because the pilot approached him, and calling him by name, said:

- Keith, we're in Sacramento for almost an hour. Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?

Keith replied:

- No thanks, but maybe the dog would like to stretch his legs.

Now, picture this: All the people in the gate area came to a complete quiet standstill when they looked up and saw the pilot walk off the plane with the Seeing Eye dog!

The pilot was even wearing sunglasses.

People scattered. They not only tried to change planes, but they were trying to change airlines!