Sport Jokes — most commented jokes

Our team is doing so badly that "Manager of the Month" isn't an award.
→ It's an appointment!

Did you hear about the football team who ate too much pudding?
→ They got jellygated!

Which insect didn't play well in goal?
→ The fumble bee!

What did the bumble bee striker say?
→ Hive scored!

What is black and white and black and white and black and white?
→ A Newcastle fan rolling down a hill!

What are Brazilian fans called?
→ Brazil nuts!

Why did a footballer take a piece of rope onto the pitch?
→ He was the skipper!

How do hens encourage their football teams?
→ They egg them on!

What did the footballer say when he accidentally burped during a game?
→ Sorry, it was a freak hic!

Why are football grounds odd?
→ Because you can sit in the stands but can't stand in the sits!

What do you get if you drop a piano on a team's defence?
→ A flat back four!

Why did the goal post get angry?
→ Because the bar was rattled!

What is the bank manager's favourite type of football?
→ Fiver side!

What part of a football ground is never the same?
→ The changing rooms!

What should a football team do if the pitch is flooded?
→ Bring on their subs!

What's the chilliest ground in the premiership?
→ Cold Trafford!

How did the football pitch end up as triangle?
→ Somebody took a corner!

Why didn't the dog want to play football?
→ It was a boxer!

What did they call Dracula when he won the league?
→ The champire!

Which England player keeps up the fuel supply?
→ Paul gas coin!

- Manager: I'll give you fifty pounds a week to start with and a hundred pounds a week in a year's time.

- Young player: OK, I'll come back in a year's time!

- Manager: Twenty teams in the league and you lot finish bottom?

- Captain: Well, it could have been worse.

- Manager: How?

- Captain: There could have been more teams in the league!

Why should you be careful playing against a team of big cats?
→ They might be cheetahs!

- Manager: Our new midfielder cost ten million. I call him our wonder player.

- Fan: Why's that?

- Manager: Everytime he plays I wonder why I bothered to buy him!

Why do artists never win when they play football?
→ They keep drawing!

Why do managers bring suitcases along to away games?
→ So that they can pack the defence!

Where do old bowling balls end up?
→ In the gutter!

- Manager: I thought I told you to lose weight. What happened to your three week diet?

- Player: I finished it in three days!

What part of a football pitch smells nicest?
→ The scenter spot!

Where do religious school children practice sports?
→ In the prayground!

How did the basketball court get wet?
→ The players dribbled all over it!

Why did the chicken get sent off?
→ For persistent fowl play!

Why were the two managers sitting around sketching crockery before the start of the game?
→ It was a cup draw!

Where do football directors go when they are fed up?
→ The bored room!

A manager was being interviewed after he had resigned from a football club.
"Were the crowd not behind you?" asked the reporter.
"They were right behind me all right," said the manager, "But I managed to shake them off at the station!"

Why was the struggling manager seen shaking the club cat?
→ To see if there was any more money in the kitty!

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Reasons why a normal Car is a far superior vehicle than a F1 Car

Hundreds of people and tens of millions of dollars go into building an F1 car, but a normal car is a far superior vehicle. You wonder what goes through those guys' minds when design their cars. THEY'RE ALL WRONG!!!!

1. No door... I mean, people have to climb in. Actually, ANYBODY can climb in and steal it. Pffft!
2. No roof... The people who drive these things are left open to the elements. Like, even convertible cars have something you can pull over your head.
3. No radio (AM and FM), no cassette nor CD player... how boring it must be to drive in those things for close to two hours without having anything to listen to.
4. No heating... Being left open to the elements, the drivers' toes must become very cold after a while.
5. No coffee cup holder... Those guys can spill all the hot (and dangerous stuff) over themselves. What with them steering with one hand and trying to drink with the other.
6. No ashtrays and electric lighter...
7. No windshield wipers... and they expect them to race in the rain?
8. No windshields... Well, I guess no. 7 and 8 go hand in hand.
9. No turn signals... How can they indicate they intend to pass?
10. No headlights... No wonder they only drive in the day time.
11. Only one brake light...
12. Only one seat... How can a guy go necking with his girlfriend at the local drive in?
13. No anchor for a baby seat... And they are trying to make us believe that safety comes first?
14. No trunk...
15. No adjustable seats... (mine goes back and forth, and can be tilted as well)
16. High fuel consumption...
17. Engines that don't last...
18. Tyres that just wear off in no time flat...
19. Where's the bloody ignition? I guess it's back to the old Model T days when the cars had to be crank started.
20. No sun visor... Must be fun driving those things with the sun in the eyes.

Talk about accidents waiting to happen.

In 1989, a Union Bridge, Md., high school permitted a female student, Tawana Hammond, 17, to try out for its football team under the pressure of a federal statute that bars school discrimination on the basis of gender.

On her first scrimmage, Tawana, a running back, was tackled and suffered massive internal injuries.

In October 1992, she filed a $1.5 million lawsuit against the county board of education for its alleged failure to tell her how dangerous football is.

Long Beach police arrested two small, skinny men in October and charged them with stealing six 45-pound barbells from the Buffum-Downtown YMCA.

The men were struggling to keep the barbells in a small cart that kept tipping over because they were not strong enough to steer it.

Robert A. Chase, 45, was charged with threatening an 11-year-old boy with a knife in Madison, Wis. The boy was watching Chase play basketball with another adult when the opponent accused Chase of "traveling" (taking steps without dribbling the ball).

To seek an impartial opinion, Chase asked the boy, but the boy agreed that Chase had traveled. Chase then allegedly grabbed the boy, held a knife to his throat, and asked, "Now. Did I travel?"