Relationships — most commented jokes

I admitted to my friend that I hadn't had sex for a while.

My friend reassured me that I won't forget it, cuz sex is like riding a bicycle.

I know it's been a while, but I don't ever remember pedaling...

A farmer had 3 beautiful daughters who were getting ready to go out on dates. The first beau came to the door and said, "I'm Eddie, I'm here to pick up Betty. We're going for spaghetti, is she ready?"

No.

The second beau came to the door and said, "I'm Joe, I'm here to pick up Flo to take her to the show. Is she ready to go?"

No.

The third beau came to the door and said to the farmer, "Hello, my name is Chuck."

The farmer shot Chuck.

Two teens had been lovers for a few weeks, but the boy was always after the girl to quit smoking. One afternoon, she lit up after some love making, and he said, "You really ought to quit."

She, getting tired of his nagging, said, "I really enjoy a good cigarette after sex."

He replied, "But they stunt your growth." She asked if he ever smoked, and he replied that he had never.

Smiling and lifting her gaze to his groin, she said, "So, what's your excuse then?"

What's the difference between true love and herpes?
→ Herpes lasts forever.

A college couple is under a tree on campus making out. After a while, the girl says, "I wish you had a flashlight."

He says, "Why's that?"

She says, "Because you've been eating grass for fifteen minutes."

A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question.

As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled.

The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me."

She replies, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 436."

"Darling," she whispered after they had finished making love, "will you still make love like that to me after we're married?"

He considered this for a moment, and then replied, "I think so. I've always been especially fond of married women."

"I'm finished with Judi!" Jon exclaimed to his friend. "She broke down and told me she was bisexual. Who the hell wants to screw just twice a year???"

Sadie lost her husband almost four years ago and still has not gotten out of her depression, mourning as if it were only yesterday. Her daughter constantly is calling her and urging her to get back into the world. Finally, Sadie says she'd go out, but didn't know anyone.

Her daughter immediately replies, "Mama! I have someone for you to meet."

Well, it was an immediate hit. They took to one another and after dating for six weeks he asks her to join him for a weekend in the Catskills. And we know what that meant. One room and the normal follow up to that.

Their first night there she undresses as he does. There she stood nude except for a pair of black lacy panties. He in his birthday suit. Looking at her he asks, "Why the panties?"

She replies, "My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still in mourning." He knows he's not getting lucky that night.

The following night the same scenario. She standing there with the black panties on and he in his birthday suit; except that he has an erection on which he has a black condom. She looks at him and asks, "What's with this... a black condom?"

He replies, "I'm going to offer my condolences."

This one New Yorker married himself a southern gal and brought her to the big city for the first time. When they first arrived he got them a hotel room and as they were laying in bed she looked over in the corner and saw a discarded condom. "Oh yuck!!" she proclaimed as she pointed it out to her new husband.

As he craned his neck to see what it was he looked at her and asked, "What, they don't use those things where you come from?"

"Yeah," she said, "but we don't skin 'em!"