Relationships — most commented jokes

A guy meets a girl out at a nightclub and she invites him back to her place for the night. Her parents are out of town and this is the perfect opportunity. They get back to her house and they go into her bedroom. When the guy walks in the door, he notices all these fluffy toys. There's hundreds of them, fluffy toys on top of the wardrobe, fluffy toys on the bookshelf and window sill, there's more on the floor, and of course fluffy toys all over the bed. Later after they've had sex, he turns to her and asks "So, how was I?" She says "Well ... you can take anything from the bottom shelf."

How do you know when your girlfriend is too fat?
→ When she sits on your face and you can't hear the stereo

- Boy: Those clothes are very becoming on you!

- Girl: Why thank you!

- Boy: Of course, if I was on you...

I would becoming too!

- Woman: Slow down, foreplay is an art.

- Man: Well, if you don't get your canvas arranged soon, I'm going to spill my paint!

I recently tried some of these new 'flavoured' condoms. I bought one of each flavour they had, and tried each one in turn every time i got a shag. My girlfriend likes to lick each one before i insert it in her, just to see what flavour i was wearing.

The first night she said "Mmmmm, Cherry flavour", The second night she said "Mmmmm, Mint flavour", The third night she said "Mmmmm, Strawberry flavour", and so on, until we had reached the final flavour, and she said "Mmmmm, Cheese flavour"

"Cheese flavour ??" i said "I haven't put one on yet!"

- Boyfriend: Do you smoke after sex?

- Girlfriend: Dunno, I've never looked

What's the difference between Love, True Love and showing off?
→ Spit, swallow and gargle.

A young man took a girl out to dinner and a show. They got along very well, and when he asked her if she would like to come up to his apartment for a drink she agreed. After they were at the apartment a while, he asked if he could give her an old fashioned kiss.

Her reply was, "At a time like this you want me to change positions?"

"Kiss me," said the young lady urgently. "Please kiss me."

But the young man turned his head away, saying, "Of course not. How can I? I'm your own brother-in-law. Hell, we shouldn't even be lying here making love."

The guy considered himself lucky to have been able to attract and bed such a luscious looking dish. He was even considering trying to establish a relationship instead of just a one night stand. But he couldn't help but wonder why she wasn't already in one.

"I can't help feeling that we've met before," he said.

"Yeah, I know," sighed the girl, stretching. "It happens to me a lot. I think they call this 'deja screw'."