Ouch — most commented jokes

Mommy, mommy: can I play with grandma?
→ Shut up kid, you dug her up twice last weeek!

Mommy, mommy: I hate daddy's guts.
→ Shut up kid and keep eating.

Did you hear that Oprah Winfrey was arrested at the airport for drug smuggling?
→ It seems she bent over and someone saw fifty pounds of crack....

What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom?
→ One snatches watches and the other watches snatches!

Why don't cannibals eat comedians?
→ They taste funny.

How do you get a one armed MAN out of a tree?
→ Wave at him.

What's sicker than sick?
→ Masturbating with your grandma's ashes under your foreskin....

How do you cook vegatables in the microwave?
→ Take them out their wheelchair.

What is black and sits at the top of a set of stairs?
→ A quadraplegic in a house fire.

Gross is having to tuck your hemorrhoid into your sock so you won't step on it when you walk.

What's black and blue and hates sex?
→ A rape victim.