Ouch — most commented jokes

Did you hear about Tempura House?
→ It's a shelter for lightly battered women.

What do you do if someone's having a seizure in a bathtub?
→ Throw in a load of laundry.

Hiram answers the telephone, and it's an emergency room doctor.

The doctor says, "Your wife was in a serious car accident, and I have bad news and good news. The bad news is she has lost all use of both arms and both legs, and will be on a respirator the rest of her life."

Hiram says, "My God. What's the good news?"

The doctor says, "I'm kidding. She's dead."

Whats blue and doesn't fit any more?
→ A dead epileptic.

What do you do when an epilectic takes a bath?
→ Throw in your laundry.

What is red and sticky and crawls up a girls thigh?
→ A home-sick abortion.

What's the worst part about getting a lung transplant?
→ The first couple of times you cough, its not your phlegm...

What do you call an armless, legless leper in a swimming pool?
→ Bob

Harry answers the telephone, and it's an Emergency Room doctor.

The doctor says, "Your wife was in a serious car accident, and I have bad news and good news. The bad news is she has lost all use of both arms and both legs, and will need help eating and going to the bathroom for the rest of her life."

Harry says, "My God. What's the good news?"

The doctor says, "I'm kidding. She's dead."

My girlfriend told me to give her 12 inches and make it hurt!

So I fucked her 3 times and then hit her with a baseball bat.