Mom/Dad Jokes — most commented jokes

- I don't think my Mom knows much about children.

- Why do you say that?

- Because she always puts me to bed when I'm wide awake, and gets me up when I'm sleepy!

Little Johnny and his mother were on a train. Johnny leant over and started to whisper in his mother's ear.
'Johnny, how many times have I told you,' said his mother, 'it's rude to whisper. If you have something to say, say it out loud.'
'OK,' said Johnny, 'why does the lady over there look like an ugly, haggard old witch?'

A little boy came running into the kitchen.

'Dad, dad' he said, 'there's a monster at the door with a really ugly face'
'Tell him you've already got one,' said his father!

- Mum, does God use the bathroom?

- No, what a funny question!

- Then why did Dad say this morning, 'Oh, God, are you still in there?'

- Mom: Joe, time for your medicine.

- Joe: I'll run the bath then.

- Mom: Why?

- Joe: Because on the bottle it says "to be taken in water."

There is a new Barbie doll on the market -
Teenage Pregnancy Barbie ...complete with dropout forms. Angry parents and deadbeat boyfriend sold separately

Why does a mother carry her baby?
→ The baby can't carry the mother.

A baby polar bear goes up to his dad and asks,

"Dad, am I pure polar bear?" The dad replies, "Sure you are son. I'm all polar bear, my parents are all polar bear, your mom is all polar bear, and her parents are all polar bear."
Still unsure the baby polar bear goes to his mom and asks, "Mom, am I pure polar bear?" She answers, "Of course you are honey. I'm all polar bear, your father is all polar bear, my parents are all polar bear, and his parents are all polar bear."

Still not convinced the baby polar bear goes to his grandparents and asks, "Grandmom... Grandpop... am I all polar bear?" His grandmother answers, "Of course you are sweetie. We're all polar bear, your mother is all polar bear, your father is all polar bear, and his parents are all polar bear. Why do you ask sweetie?"

The baby polar bears replies, "Because I'm f****** freezing!"

- Mother: Why is there a strange baby in the crib?

- Daughter: You told me to change the baby.

Why did the baby monster put his father in the freezer?
→ Because he wanted frozen pop.