Mom/Dad Jokes — most commented jokes

The boss called one of his employees into the office.

"Rob," he said, "you've been with the company for a year. You started off in the post room, one week later you were promoted to a sales position, and one month after that you were promoted to district manager of the sales department.

"Just four short months later, you were promoted to vice-chairman. Now it's time for me to retire, and I want you to take over the company.

"What do you say to that?"

"Thanks," said the employee.

"Thanks?" the boss replied. "Is that all you can say?"

"I suppose not," the employee said.

"Thanks, Dad."

- Cannibal: Mom, mom, I've been eating a missionary and I feel sick!

- Mom: Well, you know what they say - you can't keep a good man down!

- Cannibal Boy: I've brought a friend home for dinner.

- Cannibal Mom: Put him in the fridge and we'll have him tomorrow.

A cannibal son and his father are out looking for food. They are watching people walk down the street. The son suggested a particularly plump woman and the father rejected saying that she's too fatty. Later on the son asked about a very skinny woman. Again the father refused saying that she's too skinny.

After a while the son pointed out a very attractive woman.

"Sure son," the father replied, drooling. "We'll take her home and eat your mother!"

Sam left work after a tiring day. 'Take the bus home,' suggested a friend.

'My mother would only make me take it back,' Sam said.

- Sister: Mom wants you to come in and help fix dinner.

- Brother: Why? Is it broken?

- Mother: Jared, get your little sister's hat out of that puddle.

- Jared: I can't mum, she's got it strapped too tight under her chin!

A little demon came home from school one day and said to his mother, 'I hate my sister's guts.'
'All right,' said his mother, 'I won't put them in your sandwiches again.'

- Mum: Why does your little brother jump up and down before taking his medicine?

- Boy: Because he read the label, and it said 'shake well before using.'

- Dad: Don't be selfish. Let your brother use the sled half the time.

- Son: I do, Dad. I use it going down the hill and he gets to use it coming up!