Random joke from this category
A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
"You'll get your chance in court," said the Desk Sergeant.
"No, no, no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"
Well, if there's any truth to this study at all, then I should live to be 180 minimum! :)
From the New England Journal of Medicine:
Great news for girl watchers: Ogling over women's breasts is good for a man's health and can add years to his life, medical experts have discovered.
According to the New England Journal of Medicine, "Just 10 minutes of staring at the charms of a well-endowed female is roughly equivalent to a 30-minute aerobics work-out" declared gerontologist Dr. Karen Weatherby.
Dr. Weatherby and fellow researchers at three hospitals in Frankfurt, Germany, reached the startling conclusion after comparing the health of 200 male outpatients - half of whom were instructed to look at busty females daily, the other half told to refrain from doing so.
The study revealed that after five years, the chest-watchers had lower blood pressure, slower resting pulse rates and fewer instances of coronary artery disease. "Sexual excitement gets the heart pumping and improves blood circulation," explains Dr. Weatherby. "There's no question: Gazing at breasts makes men healthier."
"Our study indicates that engaging in this activity a few minutes daily cuts the risk of stroke and heart attack in half. We believe that by doing so consistently, the average man can extend his life four to five years."
...hmmm - I wonder if PC boobies count?
P.S: I've already volunteered myself to science just in case they want to do a "hands on" study of the same type...woo-hoo!
One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God.
"Lord, I have a problem!"
"What's the problem, Eve?"
"Lord, I know you created me and provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals and that hilarious comedic snake, but I'm just not happy."
"Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above.
"Lord, I am lonely, and I'm sick to death of apples."
"Well Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you."
"What's a man, Lord?"
"Man will be a flawed creature, with many bad traits. He'll lie, cheat and be vainglorious; all in all, he'll give you a hard time.
But... he'll be bigger, faster, and will like to hunt and kill things. He will look silly when he's aroused, but since you've been complaining, I'll create him in such a way that he will satisfy your physical needs.
He will be witless and will revel in childish things like fighting and kicking a ball about. He won't be too smart, so he'll also need your advice to think properly."
"Sounds great!" says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow.
"What's the catch, Lord?"
"Well... you can have him on one condition."
"What's that, Lord?"
"As I said, he'll be proud, arrogant, and self-admiring...
So you'll have to let him believe that I made him first.
Just remember, it's our little secret...
You know, woman to woman."
IT'S NOT EASY BEING A GUY
Pity us men.........
If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, you're a male chauvinist.
If you stay home and do the housework, you're a sissy.
If you work too hard, there is never any time for her.
If you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum.
If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, this is exploitation.
If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your but and find something better.
If you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favoritism.
If she gets a job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity.
If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment.
If you keep quiet, it's male indifference.
If you cry, you're a wimp.
If you don't, you're an insensitive jerk.
If you thump her, it's wife bashing.
If she thumps you, it's self defense.
If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a chauvinist.
If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman.
If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination.
If she asks you, it's a favor.
If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear, you're a pervert.
If you don't, you're a fag.
If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape, you're sexist.
If you don't, you're unromantic.
If you try to keep yourself in shape, you're vain.
If you don't, you're a slob.
If you buy her flowers, you're after something.
If you don't, you're not thoughtful.
If you're proud of your achievements, you're up on yourself.
If you don't, you're not ambitious.
If she has a headache, she's tired.
If you have a headache, you don't love her anymore.
If you want it too often, you're oversexed.
If you don't, there must be someone else.
I'm really steamed at my wife. She is so immature!
Last night I was taking a bath and she came in and sunk all my little boats!
But I'm really a lucky guy. I never realized how much my wife loved me until the other day when I was sick and stayed home from work. She was so happy to have me home, that every time someone came to the door, like the mailman or deliveryman, she'd shout, 'My husbands home! My husband's home!' What a gal I married!
And for everyone that's still single, some notes on marriage......
Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering....
Marriage is an institution, but who wants to live in an institution?...
Marriage is bliss. Ignorance is bliss....
Marriage is not a word; it is a sentence....
Marriage is the only sport in which the trapped animal has to buy the license....
Marriage still confers one very special privilege, only a married person can get divorced!
An English teacher was explaining to his students the concept of gender association in the English language.
He stated how hurricanes at one time were given feminine names and how ships and planes were usually referred to as "she". One of the students raised their hand and asked - "What gender is a computer"?
The teacher wasn't certain which it was, so he divided the class into two groups, males in one, females in the other, and asked them to decide if a computer should be masculine or feminine. Both groups were asked to give four reasons for their recommendation. The group of women concluded that computers should be referred to in the masculine gender because:
The men, on the other hand, decided that computers should definitely be referred to in the feminine gender because:
A new two year degree is being offered at Life University...
Becoming a Real Man!
That's right, in just six terms, you too can be a real man.
Please take a moment to look over the program outline:
Why do women talk more than men, and why are men smarter than women?
→ Because women have four lips and men have two heads!
Roses are red, violets are blue, I once thought I was ugly, until I saw you!
Just because you have one doesn't mean you have to act like one!
Baptists: only trouble is, they don't hold them under long enough.
A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't.
Men's brains are like the prison system - not enough cells.
Stupidity does not qualify as a handicap, park elsewhere!
You have a right to your opinions. I just don't want to hear them.
