Men Jokes — most commented jokes

He's so dumb, he thinks the Kentucky Derby is a hat.
He's never slept with his wife. He says it isn't honorable to sleep with a married woman.
He's so dumb, he thinks the English Channel is a British T.V. station.
He's so dumb, he thinks the St. Louis Cardinals are appointed by the Pope.
He lost his dog, but he won't put an ad in the newspaper. He says it's no use -- his dog can't read.
He still hasn't bought an electric toothbrush. He doesn't know if his teeth are AC or DC.
He jumped off the bus backwards when he heard someone say, "Let's grab his seat when he gets off."
He heard that a man gets hit by an automobile every twenty minutes. He said, "What a glutton for punishment, that guy!"

He has a one-track mind, and the traffic on it is very light.
He paid $500 to have his family tree searched, and found out he was the sap.
There are times he has something on his mind -- he wears a hat occasionally.
His neck reminds you of a typewriter -- Underwood.
The only time he thinks is in a poolroom, where he can rack his brains.
If you want the real dope about anything, go to the real dope -- HIM!
He bought a topless bathing suit for his half-sister.
A traffic judge asked him, "Have you ever been up before me?" And he said, "I don't know, what time do you get up?"
Once he saw an old woman fall down, but didn't help her up. His mother warned him against having anything to do with fallen women.
He's never bought Christmas seals -- says he wouldn't know what to feed them.
He carried a double-barreled gun to the ball game, because he heard the Lions were playing the Tigers.
He called it quits when his fourth child was born, because he read that every fifth child born is Chinese!
He won't let his daughter go to college because he heard that the students have to show their professors their thesis.
The first time he heard about the Boston Tea Party, he asked who the caterer was.
When a beggar asked him, "Do you have a quarter for a sandwich?" he said "Let's see the sandwich."

He has one of those mighty minds -- mighty empty. He has a one-track mind, and the traffic on it is very light.

He should study to be a bone specialist -- he has the head for it.

He says he has a mind of his own. He's welcome to it-- who else would want it?

A man dials his home and a strange woman answers. The man says, "Who is this?" "This is the maid," answers the woman. "We don't have a maid," says the man. The woman says, "I was hired this morning by the lady of the house." The man says, "Well, this is her husband. Is she there?" The woman replies, "She is upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I figured was her husband." The man is fuming and says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make $50,000?" The maid says, "What will I have to do?" The man tells her, "I want you to get my gun from the desk, and shoot the witch and the jerk she's with." The maid puts the phone down; the man hears footsteps and then two gun shots. The maid comes back to the phone "What do I do with the bodies?" The man says, "Throw them in the swimming pool." Puzzled, the maid answers, "But you don't have a pool." A long pause and the man says, "Is this 567-5309?"

I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but i can't get my wife to go swimming!

A physically large guy meets a woman at a bar, and after a number of drinks, they agree to go back to his place. As they are making out in the bedroom, ready for the act, he stands up and starts to undress. After he takes his shirt off, he flexes his muscular arms and says, "See there, baby? That's 1000 pounds of Dynamite!" She begins to drool. The man drops his pants, strikes a bodybuilder's pose, and says, referring to his bulging legs, "See those, baby? That's 1000 pounds of dynamite!" She is aching for action at this point.

Finally, he drops his underpants, and she grabs her purse and runs screaming to the front door. He catches her before she is able to run out the door, and asks, "Why are you in such a hurry to leave?" She replies, "With 2000 pounds of dynamite, and such a short fuse, I was afraid you were about to blow!"

A bear is chasing a rabbit through a forest. They find a bottle and decide to rub it. A genie pops out. He says "I will grant each of you three wishes."

The bear says "I wish all the bears in the forest were females." poof It's done.

The rabbit says "I wish for a motorcycle." poof It's done.

The bear says "I wish all the bears in this country were females." poof It's done.

The rabbit says "I wish for a lifetime supply of carrots back at my house." poof It's done.

The bear is thinking to himself "why is the rabbit wasting his wishes on stupid small things? oh well." "And for my third wish, I wish that all the bears in the world were female." poof It's done.

The rabbit says "For MY last wish, I want the bear to be gay." And he rides off on his motorcycle.