Random joke from this category
A man and his wife were celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary at the same hotel in the same room where they spent their wedding night.
In honor of the occasion, she bought a $400.00 silk see-through negligee. After taking off her clothes in the bathroom, she realized that she had left the negligee in the suitcase.
Coming out of the bathroom to get it, her husband remarked, "Geez, for $400.00, you'd think they could have ironed the damn thing!"
A 70-year-old man has never been married. One day, he meets a beautiful 17-year-old girl, and it is love at first sight. They get married and go to Florida for their honeymoon.
When they get back, his friend says to him, "So, tell me, how was it?"
"Oh, it was beautiful," says the man. "The sun, the surf, we made love almost every night, we -" His friend interrupts him. "A man your age! How did you make love almost every night?"
"Oh," says the man, "we almost made love Monday, we almost made love Tuesday..."
This old geezer of 78 marries a girl of 18. The morning after the wedding night, the girl comes down with a pained expression on her face.
"What's the matter, dear?" asks the woman at the front desk.
"Well," sniffed the girl, "He told me he'd been saving up for 60 years, and I thought he meant his money!"
An old man of 70 married a young girl of 18. When they got into bed the night after the wedding, he held up three fingers.
"Oh honey," said the young nymph, "Does that mean we're going to do it three times?"
"No," said the old man, "it means you can take your pick."
One way to live together and never have an argument is for both husband and wife to be hard-of-hearing... and to share the same hearing aid.
The next door neighbor of a middle-aged wife came over to inform her that her retired husband was chasing around after young prostitutes.
The woman smiled, "So what?"
The neighbor was surprised, "It doesn't bother you that he's running around with those women?"
The woman replied, "I also have a little dog who chases cars and buses, too."
Retirement means twice as much husband for half as much money.
- Husband: Darling, will you love me when I'm old and feeble?
- Spouse: You bet I do.
A woman married 35 years asked her husband on their anniversary, "What were you thinking the very first time you saw me?"
He replied, "I wanted to suck those tits dry and fuck your brains out, dear."
She asked, "And what do you think when you look at me now, darling?"
"I think I did a damn good job!"
"You used to hold my hand years ago when we were courting," she said as they were side by side in bed. He reached over, took her hand and held it.
"Then you used to kiss me," she purred. He turned over, gave her a slight kiss and then rolled over again to sleep.
"After that, you used to bite my neck." With that the husband got up. "Where are you going?" she asked. "To get my teeth," he grumbled.
