Dirty Jokes — most commented jokes

What happened to the cheerleader when she did the splits?
→ 20 class rings fell out.

A horny young man went to a brothel... The lady at the counter asked him what his choice would be. The man wanted to know what was available. Madam:

- On the first floor, we have the ex-models... they are all slinky and sexy... On the second floor, we have our ex-actresses...they are all buxom and beautiful... On the third floor, we have our ex-teachers.... they...

- Man: Say no more! Lead me to the third floor.

- Madam: Are you sure... I'm surprised that you would prefer ex-teachers to ex-models and ex-actresses.

- Man: It's obvious, ma'am, teachers always make you do a thing over and over again, until you're perfect at it.

Do you know the difference in sugar and Sweet-n-Low????
→ Sugar is when you kiss her on the lips!

A cop sees a car weaving all over the road and pulls it over. He walks up to the car and sees a nice-looking woman is driving and smells liquor on her breath. He says:

- I'm going to have to give you the breathalyzer test to determine if you are under the influence of alcohol.

She blows up the balloon and he walks over to the police car.

After a couple of minutes comes back and says:

- It looks like you've had a couple of stiff ones.

She replies:

- You mean it shows that, too?

How do you know when you've satisfied a redhead?
→ She unties you.

Brunette after sex:

- Oh that was great! Love you... wanna marry?

Blonde after sex:

- Next!

Redhead after sex:

- Better start chewing some VITAMINS, kid.

For me, penises are a hobby ... kinda like fishing ... The small ones you throw back, the good-sized ones you take home for dinner, and the big ones you mount.

When the man first noticed that his penis was growing longer, he was delighted. But several weeks and several inches later, he became concerned and went to see a urologist. While his wife waited outside, the physician examined him and explained that, though rare, his condition could be corrected by minor surgery. The patient's wife anxiously rushed up to the doctor after the examination and was told of the diagnosis and the need for surgery.

- How long will he be on crutches? - she asked.

- Crutches??? - the doctor asked.

- Well, yes - the woman said.

- You are going to lengthen his legs, aren't you?

A woman walks into her accountant's office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes. The accountant says:

- Before we begin, I'll need to ask a few questions.

He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks:

- What is your occupation?

The woman replies:

- I'm a whore.

The accountant balks and says:

- No, no, no. That will never work. That is much too crass. Let's try to rephrase that.

The woman:

- Ok, I'm a prostitute.

- No, that is still too crude. Try again.

They both think for a minute, then the woman states:

- I'm a chicken farmer.

The accountant asks:

- What does chicken farming have to do with being a whore or a prostitute?

- Well, I raised over 5,000 cocks last year.

What do you do in case of fallout?
→ Put it back in and take shorter strokes!