Random joke from this category
A mother and her young son returned from the grocery store and began putting away the groceries.
The boy opened a box of animal crackers and spread them all over the table.
"What are you doing?" his mother asked.
"The box says you can't eat them if the seal is broken," the Boy explained, so "I'm looking for the seal!"
Why don't witches like to ride their brooms when they're angry?
→ They're afraid of flying off the handle!
Where do baby ghosts go during the day?
→ Dayscare centers.
Who did Frankenstein take to the prom?
→ His ghoul friend.
What do ghosts serve for dessert?
→ I Scream.
What do witches put on their hair?
→ Scare spray.
What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost?
→ Bamboo.
What kind of mistakes do spooks make?
→ Boo boos.
Why couldn't Dracula's wife get to sleep?
→ Because of his coffin.
Why do mummies make excellent spies?
→ They're good at keeping things under wraps.
Why wasn't there any food left after the monster party?
→ Because everyone was a goblin!
How did the ghost patch his sheet?
→ With a pumpkin patch.
What is as sharp as a vampires fang?
→ His other fang.
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
→ No eye deer.
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
→ Still no eye deer.
What gives milk and has one horn?
→ A milk truck!
What did the ballerina do when she hurt her foot?
→ She called the toe truck!
What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?
→ A bad golfer goes, WHACK! "Damn." A bad skydiver goes, "Damn." WHACK!
What do you call skydiving lawyers?
→ Skeet.
Why don't blind people like to sky dive?
→ Because it scares the dog.
How do crazy people go through the forest?
→ They take the psycho path.
How do you get holy water?
→ Boil the hell out of it.
What did the fish say when it hit a concrete wall?
→ "Dam!"
What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
→ Polaroids.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
→ A stick.
What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
→ Nacho Cheese.
What do you call Santa's helpers?
→ Subordinate Clauses.
What do you call four bullfighters in quicksand?
→ Quatro sinko.
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
→ Frostbite.
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
→ A nervous wreck.
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
→ Right where you left him.
Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
→ Because they have big fingers
What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic?
→ Sanka.
Why does a pilgrim's pants always fall down?
→ Because they wear their belt buckle on their hat.
How are a Texas tornado and a Tennessee divorce the same?
→ Somebody's gonna lose a trailer.
Why is it hard for a ghost to tell a lie?
→ Because you can see right through him.
What goes TICK-TICK, WOOF-WOOF?
→ A watchdog!
Why do male deer need braces?
→ Because they have "buck teeth!"
Here's a fun tongue twister.
Read the following list and then follow the instructions at the end.
Read it LOUD and REAL FAST...see if you can do it!
DON'T read the instructions until you get it right!!!
This is this cat
This is is cat
This is how cat
This is to cat
This is keep cat
This is a cat
This is fool cat
This is busy cat
This is for cat
This is forty cat
This is seconds cat
Did ya do it? Now go back up and read the third word in each line starting from the top to the bottom :)
How do you get down from an elephant?
→ You don't. You get down from a duck.
Why did the elephant paint himself all different colors?
→ So he could hide in the crayon box.
Why do elephants have wrinkles?
→ Because they are so hard to iron.
Why did the elephant put skates on before he went to bed?
→ Because he wanted to get rolling in the morning.
Why can't an elephant ride a tricycle?
→ Because it doesn't have a thumb to ring the bell.
Why do elephants wear sunglasses?
→ So no one will recognize them.
Why are elephants such poor dancers?
→ Because they have two left feet.
What time is it when an elephant sits on a fence?
→ Time to get a new fence.
Why can't elephants go swimming at the beach?
→ Because they can't keep their trunks up.
