Clean Jokes — most commented jokes

What did one flea say to the other flea?
→ Shall we walk or take a dog?

What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a detective?
→ Santa Clues!

Father Christmas win a saucepan in a competition.
→ Now thats what you call pot luck!

What do the reindeer sing to Father Christmas on his birthday?
→ Freeze a jolly good fellow!

What do you call a man who claps at Christmas?
→ Santapplause!

Twinkle Twinkle chocolate bar
Santa drives a rusty car
Press the starter
Press the choke
Off he goes in a cloud of smoke!

Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?
→ Santa Jaws!

Why does Father Christmas like to work in the garden?
→ Because he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe!

Why is a cat on a beach like Christmas?
→ Because they both have "Sandy claws"!

What does Father Christmas call his money?
→ Iced lolly?

What's Father Christmas called when he takes a rest while delivering presents?
→ Santa pause!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Wenceslas

- Wenceslas who?

- Wenceslas train home?

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Snow

- Snow who?

- Snow business like show business!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Wayne

- Wayne who?

- Wayne in a manger...!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Donut

- Donut who?

- Donut open till Christmas!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Oakham

- Oakham who?

- Oakham all ye faithfull...!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Avery

- Avery who?

- Avery merry Christmas!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Holly

- Holly who?

- Holly-days are here again!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Rudolph

- Rudolph who?

- Money is the Rudolph of all evil!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Igloo

- Igloo who?

- Igloo Suzie like I knew Suzie...!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Mary

- Mary who?

- Mary Christmas!

What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
→ It's Christmas, Eve!

How do you make an idiot laugh on boxing day?
→ Tell him a joke on Christmas Eve!

What do you have in December that you don't have in any other month?
→ The letter "D"!

What does Father Christmas suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?
→ Santa Claustrophobia!

What do you call a letter sent up the chimney on Christmas Eve?
→ Black mail!

Who delievers cat's Christmas presents?
→ Santa Paws!

Why does Father Christmas go down the chimney?
→ Because it soots him!

Who delievers elephants's Christmas presents?
→ Elephanta Claus!

How many chimney does Father Christmas go down?
→ Stacks!

Why is Santa like a bear on Christmas Eve?
→ Because he's Sooty!

What happened when the snowgirl fell out with the snowboy?
→ She gave him the cold shoulder!

What do snowmen wear on their heads?
→ Ice caps!

What's an ig?
→ An eskimo's home without a loo!

What do snowmen eat for lunch?
→ Icebergers!

Where do snowmen go to dance?
→ Snowballs!

How do snowmen travel around?
→ By iceicle!

What sort of ball doesn't bounce?
→ A snowball!

How do you know when there is a snowman in your bed?
→ You wake up wet!

What do you get if cross a snowman and a shark?
→ Frost bite!

How do you call an Eskimo cow?
→ An Eskimoo!

What do reindeer say before telling you a joke?
→ This one will sleigh you!

Why is a reindeer like a gossip?
→ Because they are both tail bearers!

Why do reindeer wear fur coats?
→ Because they would look silly in plastic macs!

How do you make a slow reindeer fast?
→ Don't feed it!

Why did the reindeer wear black boots?
→ Because his brown ones were all muddy!

How long should a reindeer's legs be?
→ Just long enough to reach the ground!

Why did the reindeer wear sunglasses at the beach?
→ Because he didn't want to be recognised!

Which reindeer have the shortest legs?
→ The smallest ones!

Where do you find reindeer?
→ It depends on where you leave them!

What do reindeer have that no other animals have?
→ Baby reindeer!

What do elves learn in school?
→ The Elf-abet!

What's the most popular wine at Christmas?
→ "I don't like sprouts!"

If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get?
→ Missletoe!

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
→ Frostbite.

Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
→ Because he had low elf esteem.

Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
→ So he can ho-ho-ho.

Where do polar bears vote?
→ The North Poll.

What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
→ Ribbon hood.

Why do birds fly south for the winter?
→ Because it's to far to walk.

What was wrong with the boy's brand new toy electric train set he received for Christmas?
→ Forty feet of track - all straight!

What kind of bird can write?
→ A PENguin.

How does Al Gore's household keep Christmas politically correct?
→ On Christmas morning, they give the presents TO the tree.

What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmas time?
→ Sandy Claus!

How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas?
→ Fleece Navidad!

What nationality is Santa Claus?
→ North Polish.

Why does Santa's sled get such good mileage?
→ Because it has long-distance runners on each side.

What do you call a bunch of grandmasters of chess bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?
→ Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!

What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus?
→ Crisp Cringle.

What did the ghosts say to Santa Claus?
→ We'll have a boo Christmas without you.

What did Santa shout to his toys on Christmas Eve?
→ Okay everyone, sack time!!

What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
→ Snowflakes.

If Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus had a child, what would he be called?
→ A subordinate claus.

Why did the elf push his bed into the fireplace?
→ He wanted to sleep like a log.

Why did Santa spell Christmas N-O-E?
→ Because the angel had said, "No L!"

What goes Ho, Ho, Swoosh, Ho, Ho, Swoosh?
→ Santa caught in a revolving door!

Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve?
→ Because it "soots" him!

What do you do if Santa gets stuck in your chimney?
→ Pour Santa flush on him.

Did you hear that one of Santa's reindeer now works for Proctor and Gambel?
→ Its true . . . Comet cleans sinks!

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
→ Claustrophobic.

Why does Scrooge love Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer?
→ Because every buck is dear to him.

How come you never hear anything about the 10th reindeer "Olive"?
→ Yeah, you know, "Olive the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names"

Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?
→ You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

What was so good about the neurotic doll the girl was given for Christmas?
→ It was wound up already.

What's a good holiday tip?
→ Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone south for the winter.

Why was the glow worm unhappy?
→ Because her children weren't that bright!

What's yellow, wiggles and is dangerous?
→ A maggot with attitude!

What did the spider say when he broke his new web?
→ Darn it!