Random joke from this category
(This joke requires the use a small visual. I'll describe the visual first, then as I tell the joke I'll cue you when to use it)
Visual: Stretch your arms straight out sideways with hands also stretched wide open.
Why did the blonde want to date Jesus?
→ She heard he was (use visual) HUNG LIKE THIS!!!!
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car.
Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting.
The trooper cranked down his window and yelled to the driver--"PULL OVER!"
"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "SCARF!"
Why couldn't the blond pass her drivers test?
→ Every time the car stopped she jumped in the backseat.
How can you tell a blonde has been working on the computer?
→ There is white out on the screen
A blonde came running home to her mother, sobbing and hysterical.
"What's wrong?" her mum, (another blonde) asked.
"My boyfriend's just dropped me!" wailed the blonde.
Her mother nodded wisely and started to tell her all about the birds and the bees.
"No mum," the blonde interrupted. "You don't understand - I can fuck and suck with the best of them, but he says I can't cook!"
What do you get when you cross a blonde with an ape?
→ A retarded ape.
A blonde walked into a doctor's office with a hole in her hand. The doctor told her that he had to report all gunshot wounds, and this was an obvious gunshot wound, so would she please explain how it happened?
The blonde said, "Well, to be honest with you, I was trying to commit suicide, so first I stuck the gun in my mouth, but thought, wait a minute, I just had all that bridge work done, and I don't want to ruin it. So, I pointed the gun between my eyes, and then thought, wait a minute, I just got a nose job not too long ago, and I don't want to ruin it! Then I pointed the gun at my heart, and thought, wait a minute, I just had these boobs done, and I don't want to ruin them! So then I stuck the gun in my ear, and thought, wait a minute, this is going to be loud!"
What does a blond and a turtle have in common?
→ When they lay on their backs they're screwed!
One blonde to another...
- Have you ever read Shakespeare?
- No. Who wrote it?
A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain.
"I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman.
"Sorry we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
She hurried home, dyed her hair, came back again and told the salesman, "I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
"Darn, he recognized me," she thought.
She went for a complete disguise this time. A new haircut and new color, a new outfit, and big sunglasses. Then she waited a few days before she again approached the salesman. "I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman.
"Sorry we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a blonde?"
"Because that's a microwave," he replied.
