Aviation Jokes — most commented jokes

- Tower: Have you got enough fuel or not?

- Pilot: Yes.

- Tower: Yes what??

- Pilot: Yes, SIR!

- Tower: Shamu two-two, please state estimated time of arrival.

- Pilot: Ok, let's see..., I think Tuesday would be nice...

- Pilot: Tower, please call me a fuel truck.

- Tower: Roger. You are a fuel truck.

How many pilots does it take to change a light bulb?
→ None, it is done by the automatic pilot.

A man walks up to the counter at the airport. "Can I help you?" asks the agent.

"I want a round trip ticket," says the man.

"Where to?" asks the agent.

"Right back to here."

A man telephoned an airline office in New York and asked, "How long does it take to fly to Boston?"
The clerk said, "Just a minute..."
"Thank you," the man said and hung up.

- Cessna: Jones tower, Cessna 12345, student pilot, I am out of fuel.

- Tower: Roger Cessna 12345, reduce airspeed to best glide!! Do you have the airfield in sight?!?!!

- Cessna: Uh...tower, I am on the south ramp; I just want to know where the fuel truck is.

- Flight 1234, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees..

- But Center, we are at 35,000 feet, how much noise can we make up here?

- Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 707 makes when it hits a 727?

A young guy in a two-engine fighter was flying escort for a B-52 and generally being a nuisance, acting like a hotdog, flying rolls around the lumbering old bomber. The hotdog said over the air, "Anything you can do, I can do better."

The veteran bomber pilot answered, "Try this hot-shot."
The B-52 continued its flight, straight and level.

Perplexed, the hotdog asked, "So? What did you do?"
"I just shut down two engines, kid."

A pilot and a co-pilot were descending for a landing at an airport they had never been to before. The pilot looked out the windshield, and suddenly exclaimed to the co-pilot:
"Holy cow! Look how short the runway is! I've never seen one that short!"

The co-pilot looked out the windshield. "Wow! you're right! That's incredible! Are you sure we can make it?"
"Well we better, we're almost out of fuel."

So the captain got on the intercom, and notified the passengers to put their heads between their knees, and prepare for an emergency landing.
Then he set the flaps to full down, and slowed the plane to just over stall speed. The big jumbo jet came screaming in, on the ragged edge of control. The pilot's hands were sweating, the co-pilot was praying.

They touched down, and came screeching to a halt just before the edge of the runway, the tires smoking.

"HEW! That was CLOSE!" yelled the captain. "That runway was SHORT!"
"Yeah!" said the co-pilot, "and WIDE too!"