Random joke from this category
Just before takeoff one day, a flight attendant approached Muhammad Ali and asked that he fasten his seat belt. "Superman don't need no seat belt," Ali growled. "Well, Superman," the stewardess replied, "don't need no airplane!"
Why did the blonde crash her plane when landing?
→ Because the runway was only 25ft long, but a mile wide.
An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess; the route they were flying had a stay-over in another city. Upon their arrival the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.
The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up, wondering what happened to her.
She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room.
"You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"
The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"
On a plane bound for New York the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class section and requested that she move to coach since she did not have a first class ticket. The blonde replied, "I'm blonde; I'm beautiful; I'm going to New York; and I'm not moving." Not wanting to argue with a customer, the flight attendant asked the co-pilot to speak with her. He went to talk with the woman, asking her to please move out of the first class section. Again, the blonde replied, "I'm blonde; I'm beautiful; I'm going to New York, and I'm not moving." The co-pilot returned to the cockpit and asked the captain what he should do. The captain said, "I'm married to a blonde, and I know how to handle this." He went to the first class section and whispered in the blonde's ear. She immediately jumped up and ran to the coach section mumbling to herself, "Why didn't someone just say so?" Surprised, the flight attendant and the co-pilot asked what he said to her that finally convinced her to move from her seat. He said, "I told her the first class section wasn't going to New York."
An Eagle is circling at about 5,000 ft. when he spies a field mouse down below him. He dives down and eats the mouse. After a little while the mouse works his way out the eagles butt. Proceeding to look around the mouse says: "Tail gunner to pilot... Tail gunner to pilot.."
The eagle says "what do you want?"
The mouse asks how high up they are.
The eagle thinks for a moment and then says "ohh about 5,000 ft."
The mouse then replies "You wouldn't be shittin me now would ya??"
Two eagles are soaring along when suddenly a passenger jet screams past them.
One eagle says to the other, "Wow, did you see how fast that thing was moving?" The other replies, "Yeah. You'd move fast too if you had three assholes and they were all on fire!"
On preparing to return home from an out of town trip, this man got a small puppy as a present for his son.
Not having time to get the paper work to take the puppy onboard, the man just hid the pup down the front of his pants and snunk him onboard the airplane.. About 30 minutes into the trip a stew noticed the man shaking and quivering.
'Are you OK, sir?' asked the stew?
'Yes, I'm fine.' said the man.
Sometime later the stew noticed the man moaning, and shaking again..
'Are you sure you're alright sir?'
'Yes.' said the man, 'but I have a confession to make. I didn't have time to get the paperwork to bring a puppy onboard, so I hid him down the front of my pants.'
'Whats wrong?' asked the stew, 'Is he not house broken?'
'No, that's not the problem. The problem is he's not weaned yet!'
Passengers on a small commuter plane are waiting for the flight to leave. The entrance opens, and two men walk up the aisle, dressed in pilots' uniforms--both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a seeing-eye dog, and the other is tapping his way up the aisle with a cane. Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin; but the men enter the cockpit, the door closes, and the engines start up. The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some sign that this just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming.
The plane moves faster and faster down the runway, and people at the windows realize that they're headed straight for the water at the edge of the airport territory. As it begins to look as though the plane will never take off, that it will plow into the water, panicked screams fill the cabin--but at that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air. The passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly, and soon they have all retreated into their magazines, secure in the knowledge that the plane is in good hands.
Up in the cockpit, the copilot turns to the pilot and says, "You know, Bob, one of these days, they're going to scream too late, and we're all gonna die. . ."
An Englishman, Frenchman, Mexican, and Texan were flying across country on a small plane when the pilot comes on the loud speaker and says, "We're having mechanical problems and the only way we can make it to the next airport is for 3 of you to open the door and jump. At least one of you will survive."
The four open the door and look out below. The Englishman takes a deep breath and hollers, "God Save The Queen," and jumps.
The Frenchman gets really inspired and hollers, "Viva La France," and he also jumps.
This really pumps up the Texan so he hollers, "Remember the Alamo," and he grabs the Mexican and throws him out of the plane.
