Most commented jokes

How many judges does it take to change a light bulb?
→ Just one; he holds it still and the whole world revolves around him.
→ Just one, but two lawyers have to explain him how to do it.

Jury: Twelve men and women trying to decide which party has the best lawyer.

Justice: A decision in your favor.

- Judge: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?

- Doctor: All my autopsies are on dead people.

- Judge: What is your relationship with the plaintiff?

- Witness: She is my daughter.

- Judge: Was she your daughter on February 13, 1979?

- Judge: You stated that the stairs went down to the basement, is that correct?

- Witness: Yes.

- Judge: And these same stairs, did the also go up?

- Judge: Your first marriage was terminated by death?

- Witness: Yes, by death.

- Judge: And by whose death was it terminated?

- Judge: Are you married?

- Witness: No, I'm divorced.

- Judge: And what did your husband do before you divorced him?

- Witness: A lot of things I didn't know about.

- Judge: All your responses to the questions must be oral. Do you understand?

- Witness: Yes

- Judge: What school did you attend in the fall of 1995?

- Witness: Oral.

- Prosecutor: Did you kill the victim?

- Defendant: No, I did not.

- Prosecutor: Do you know what the penalties are for perjury?

- Defendant: Yes, I do. And they're a hell of a lot better than the penalty for murder.

A prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman, to the stand. He approached her and asked:

- Mrs. Jones, do you know me?

She responded:

- Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and asked:

- Mrs. Williams, do you know the defense attorney?

She again replied:

- Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted, he has a drinking problem. The man can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I know him.

At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called both counselors to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said with menace:

- If either of you asks her if she knows me, you'll be jailed for contempt!