It seems that a lawyer had a little bit too much to drink and on his way home rear-ended the car in front of him.
The lawyer got out of his car, walked over to the driver of the other car and said:
- Boy, are you in trouble. I'm a lawyer!
The driver looked out his window and said:
- No, you're in trouble. I'm a judge.
A red-faced judge convened court after a long lunch. The first case involved a man charged with drunk driving who claimed it simply wasn't true.
- I'm as sober as you are, your honor - the man claimed.
The judge replied:
- Clerk, please enter a guilty plea. The defendant is sentenced to 30 days.
When is an English teacher like a judge?
→ When she hands out long sentences.
Who is the most powerful ghoul?
→ Judge Dread.
At night court, a man was brought in and set before the judge.
The judge said:
- State your name, occupation, and the charge.
The defendant said:
- I'm Sparks, I'm an electrician, charged with battery.
The judge winced and said:
- Bailiff! Put this man in a dry cell!
A lawyer passed on and found himself in Heaven, but not at all happy with his accommodations.
He complained to St. Peter, who told him that his only recourse was to appeal his assignment. The lawyer immediately advised that he intended to appeal, but was then told that he would be waiting at least three years before his appeal could be heard. The lawyer protested that a three-year wait was unconscionable, but his words fell on deaf ears.
The lawyer was then approached by the devil, who told him that he would be able to arrange an appeal to be heard in a few days, if the lawyer was willing to change venue to Hell. The lawyer asked:
- Why can appeals be heard so much sooner in Hell?
The devil answered:
- We have all of the judges.
- Judge: Is there any reason you could not serve as a juror in this case?
- Juror: I don't want to be away from my job that long.
- Judge: Can't they do without you at work?
- Juror: Yes, but I don't want them to know it.
- Judge: And where was the location of the accident?
- Witness: Approximately milepost 499.
- Judge: And where is milepost 499?
- Witness: About halfway between milepost 498 and milepost 500.
Mr. Schneider stood up in court:
- As God is my judge, I do not owe my ex-wife any money.
Glaring down at him, the judge replied:
- He's not. I am. You do.
When asked for her occupation, a woman charged with a traffic violation said she was a schoolteacher. The judge rose from the bench. "Madam, I have waited years for a schoolteacher to appear before this court," he smiled with delight. "Now sit down at that table and write 'I will not pass through a red light' five hundred times."
