A blind guy goes into a whore house. A girl takes him upstairs and starts giving him a blowjob.
- Excuse me, aren't you Karen Carlton, and didn't you go to Cardozo High School in Detroit?
- Yes. How'd you know?
- I never forget a face.
Why don't women blink during foreplay?
→ They don't have time.
Whats long, hard and full of semen??
→ A submarine.
One day a housewife was going about the usual business of cleaning the house, when she suddenly felt intensely horny. Unfortunately, her husband was still at work, so she resorted to stripping off all her clothes and started to masturbate.
She got very excited, rubbing herself and moaning, and when her husband walked in, she was writhing in the middle of the living room floor.
He glanced through the mail and said to his wife:
- Honey, when you're finished vacuuming the floor, could you get started on dinner?
What does a camera and a condom have in common?
→ They both capture that magic moment.
Mick was sitting at the pub telling his mate Harry about a disturbing thing that happened the night before:
- Last night I came home from the pub pissed as a tick, so I hopped into bed and started feeling up me missus. After a few strokes of her firm arse she got aroused and then we fucked like bunnies for about two hours.
- Like I do every time after a fuck, I leaned over and turned on the light, lit up two cigarettes and went to pass one to the trouble 'n' strife. Rubbing me weary eyes I realized that I'd accidentally walked into my eight year olds daughter's room by, and worse still she was on the swimming team and didn't smoke.
How do you know when your girlfriend is on anabolic steroids?
→ When she flips you over, holds you down and fucks you... up the arse with her clitoris.
This bloke went into a nightclub and saw a gorgeous honey sitting by herself at the bar, he asked her to dance. She agreed and they took to the dance floor for a slow one. While they were cheek to cheek, the guy said:
- You really smell terrific. What's that you have on?
The flattered girl told him it was Chanel #5. Then wanting to return the compliment, she said:
- You smell good, too. What is it that you have on?
- Well, I've got a hardon, but I didn't think you could smell it - the guy replied.
How does a yuppie couple perform doggie-style sex?
→ He sits up and begs and she lies down and plays dead.
What's the difference between white onions, brown onions and a 14 inch dick?
→ Nothing. They all make woman's eyes water.
