Most commented jokes

A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants. He said:

- Well, I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that. Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack.

The young man makes his purchase and leaves.

Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes. The girl leans over and says:

- You never told me that you were such a religious person.

He leans over to her and says:

- You never told me that your father is a pharmacist.

On a cross-country bus trip, Mrs. Davis became extremely queasy due to motion sickness.

She make her way to the restroom, only to find it locked.

She went back to her seat, laid her head back and tried to fight off the nausea. Unsuccessfully, she rolled her head to the right and threw up on the lap of a man who was dozing and who was therefore unaware of what had happened.

When the fellow awoke, he was shocked to find himself covered in vomit.

Turning to him, Mrs. Davis said:

- There now, are you feeling better?!

On a very cold winter night, three homeless men huddled up close to keep warm. In the morning, the guy on the right says:

- I had a dream that someone was pulling on my dick.

The guy on the left says:

- I also had a dream that someone was pulling on my dick.

The guy in the middle says:

- I had a dream that I went skiing.

A cowboy walked into a barber shop, sat on the barber's chair and said:

- I'll have a shave and a shoe shine.

The barber began to lather his face while a woman with the biggest, firmest, most beautiful breasts that he had ever seen knelt down and began to shine his shoes.

The cowboy said:

- Young lady, you and I should go and spend some time in a hotel room.

She replied:

- I'm married and my husband wouldn't like that.

The cowboy said:

- Tell him your working overtime and I'll pay you the difference.

She said:

- You tell him. He is the one shaving you.

A man enters a barber shop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks.

- I have just the thing - says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer.

- Just place this between your cheek and gum.

The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes the client asks in garbled speech:

- And what if I swallow it?

- No problem - says the barber.

- Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does.

An old sailing ship is becalmed at sea with a full complement of sailors. They are stuck there for days and days with nothing to do. One morning the captain decides he is going to lay on some entertainment for the men. He orders a barrel to be placed on the top deck. It has an orifice in the side and he invites each one of the men to "take the pleasures" of the barrel to their heart's content. Soon a full-fledged hedonistic orgy is underway. The men are cheerful once again and morale is boosted. Things reach such a frenzy that even the captain's dog has a go. Once the party is over and the barrel is full of the team's spirit, it is bunged up and thrown overboard. The ship sails away.

A few days later the barrel comes ashore on the beach of a deserted island in the middle of nowhere. The only inhabitants of the island are the nuns who have founded their convent there. The nuns find the barrel and open it. They don't recognize the contents and take it to be wax, from which they fashion candles. Of course, nuns being nuns, they use the candles in the way only nuns can. Nine months later an inordinate number of babies appear inexplicably on the island.

One of the nuns is very guilty about her sins and approaches the Mother Superior for confession:

- Forgive me, Mother. I have had a baby. The Mother Superior says:

- That's nothing, my child. I've had puppies.

A customer walks into a pharmacy and asks assistant for an anal deodorant. The assistant explains that they don't stock them. The man insists that he bought his last one from this store. The assistant passes man on to the pharmacist, who explains that store has never stocked such an item. The man explains he bought his last one from this store only weeks ago and has done for several years. The pharmacist asks man to bring in his last purchase and he will try to match the product.

The following day, the man returns to the pharmacy and shows the deodorant to the pharmacist. The pharmacist asks why the customer thinks this is an anal deodorant, when it is obviously of the underarm stick variety.

The customer explains that instructions on reverse state:

- Push up bottom to use.

- Mom, I'm pregnant.

- How can that be? What did I tell you about sex?

- That I should take measures. That's what I did! I took measures and then went with the biggest.

Mrs. Schmidlap hires a maid with beautiful blonde hair. The first morning, the girl pulls off the hair and says:

- I wear a wig, because I was born totally hairless. Not a hair on my body, not even down there. That night, Mrs. Schmidlap tells her husband. He says:

- I've never seen anything like that. Please tomorrow, ask her to go into the bedroom and show you. I want to hide in the closet so I can have a look. The next day, Mrs. Schmidlap asks the girl, the two of them go into the bedroom, and the girl strips and shows her.

Then the girl says:

- I've never seen one with hair on it. Can I see yours?

So Mrs. Schmidlap pulls off her clothes and shows her. That night, Mrs. Schmidlap says to her husband:

- I hope you're satisfied, because I was pretty embarrassed when that girl asked to see mine. Her husband says:

- You think you were embarrassed...

I had the four guys I play poker with in the closet with me.

A man was walking one day, when he came to this big house in a nice neighborhood. Suddenly he realized there was a couple making love out on the lawn. Then he noticed another couple over behind a tree. Then another couple behind some bushes by the house. He walked up to the door of the house, and knocked. A well dressed woman answered the door, and the man asked what kind of a place this was:

- This is a brothel - replied the madam.

- Well, what's all this out on the lawn?

- Oh, we're having a yard sale today.