Most commented jokes

This fellow comes to confession. Father, he said, forgive me for I have sinned.

The priest asked:

- What did you do, my son?

The fellow replied:

- I lusted.

The priest said:

- Tell me about it.

The fellow then related his story:

- Father, I am a deliveryman for UPS. Yesterday I was making a delivery in the affluent section of the city. When I rang the bell, the door opened and there stood the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She had long blonde hair and eyes like emeralds. She was dressed in a sheer dressing gown that showed her perfect figure. And, she asked if I would like to come in.

The priest asked:

- And, what did you do, my son?

The man replied:

- Father, I did not go in the house but I lusted. Oh, how I lusted.

The priest replied:

- Your sin has been forgiven.

- You will get your reward in heaven, my son.

The fellow asked:

- A reward, father? What do you think my reward might be?

The priest replied:

- I think a bale of hay would be appropriate, you jackass.

A man walked into a gift shop that sold religious items. Near the cash register he saw a display of caps with “WWJD” printed on all of them. He was puzzled over what the letters could mean, but couldn't figure it out, so he asked the clerk.

The clerk replied that the letters stood for “What Would Jesus Do”, and was meant to inspire people to not make rash decisions, but rather to imagine what Jesus would do in the same situation.

The man thought a moment and then replied:

- Well, I'm damn sure Jesus wouldn't pay $17.95 for one of these caps.

Waxing eloquent on the sins of the flesh, the dynamic young preacher raised himself to full height, leaned over the pulpit and boomed, "Brothers and sisters, if there are any among you who have committed adultery, may your tongue cleave to the woof of your mouf!"

The new nun goes to her first confession. She tells the priest that she has a terrible secret and he tells her that her secret is safe in the sanctity of the confessional.

She says:

- Father, I never wears panties under my habit.

The priest chuckles and says:

- That's not so serious. Say five Hail Marys, five Our Fathers and do five cartwheels on your way to the altar.

Why do priests wear shorts in the shower?
→ They don't like to look down on the unemployed.

The three wise men are out for a stroll when they come across a stable. The three of them decide to duck inside.

On the way in one of the wise men hits his head on the low entranceway.

- Jesus Christ! - he says.

Joseph says:

- Quick, Mary, write that down! It's a hell of a lot better than Clyde!

A man was driving from New York to San Francisco. He got as far as Cleveland, when he realized he was getting terribly horny. So he looked up a house of ill repute and took care of the problem. Immediately, a severe guilt reaction set in, so he went to confession. For penance, he was told to say 10,000 Hail Mary's. So he went on driving and praying.

By the time he got through with the 10,000 Hail Mary's, he was approaching San Francisco. Suddenly he realized he was terribly horny.

So he looked up a house of ill repute, and had an orgy. Again there was a severe guilt reaction, so he went to confession. It was an old Irish priest who said:

- For penance say three Hail Mary's.

The man said:

- What?? In Cleveland, I had to say 10,000 Hail Mary's for the same thing.

Father replied quietly:

- Sure now, and what would they know about fucking in Cleveland?.

What is the biggest problem for an atheist?
→ No one to talk to during orgasm.

A nun comes to her Mother Superior and asks her to hear a confession:

- Today I enjoyed the pleasures of the flesh. Father Goodwim came to me and told me that I had the gates to Heaven here between my legs. Then he said that he had the key to Heaven, and he put it in the gates.

- BASTARD! - cried the Mother Superior.

- For years he told me it was Gabriel's trumpet and I have been blowing it.

Easter is approaching. Father O'Maley checks estimates for the flower decoration of the altar.

The catholic florist - $ 300. Too expensive - moans the priest.

The protestant florist - $ 250, “No, it would not be right to buy at another Christian believer, especially as the price difference is rather small.” But lo! Solly Goldberg - $ 75!!!

Religion or economics? After much consideration, Solly obtains the contract.

On Easter Sunday morning, Goldberg's men deliver the flowers: wonderful roses, azaleas, camellias, tulips and carnations. O'Maley's last reservations are discarded.

When the parishioners arrive in the church, they see the magnificent flower arrangement and a ribbon with the inscription:

- Jesus has risen! But the prices of Goldberg always stay the same.