Most commented jokes

The priest leaned closer to hear the girl's confession. She continued:

- So me and my cousin were alone in the house, and went up to my bedroom...

The priest said gently:

- Go on, my child.

- I lay down on the bed and Joe got on top of me and put his hand on my....on my...

- Go on.

- On my pussy - stammered the girl, blushing behind the screen.

- And touched me and touched me until I couldn't help myself.

- Yes, go on - the priest directed.

- I pulled down his pants and his cock popped out, stiff and tall - the girl went on, with a little whimper of shame - and he began to shove it in me so hard...

- Yes, yes... Go on - he urged, breathing hard.

- And then we heard the front door slam--

- Oh, SHIT!!!!

4 Nuns at a church wanted to watch TV. The first one said she wanted to watch the INDY 500. The second one wanted to watch the sexy Shawn Michelson WWF. The third nun said she wanted to watch the knitting channel so she can knit some mittens for the kitchen. The fourth nun said she wanted to watch the discovery channel on how a baby is born. After some dicussion, they all decided to flip channels every 2 seconds so they can watch the same things.

This is what is sounded like: And they're off! They're on top of each other! In...

Out...

In...

Out... and yes, the baby is born!

Why wasn't Jesus born in America?
→ They couldn't find 3 wise men and a virgin.

This fundamentalist Christian couple felt it important to own an equally fundamentally Christian pet. So, they went shopping.

At a kennel specializing in this particular breed, they found a dog they liked quite a lot. When they asked the dog to fetch the Bible, he did it in a flash. When they instructed him to look up Psalm 23, he complied equally fast, using his paws with dexterity. They were impressed, purchased the animal, and went home (piously, of course).

That night they had friends over. They were so proud of their new fundamentalist dog and his major skills, they called the dog and showed off a little.

The friends were impressed, and asked whether the dog was able to do any of the usual dog tricks, as well. This stopped the couple cold, as they hadn't thought about “normal” tricks.

Well, they said:

- let's try this out.

Once more they called the dog, and they clearly pronounced the command:

- Heel!

Quick as a wink, the dog jumped up, put his paw on the man's forehead, closed his eyes in concentration, and bowed his head.

Before performing a baptism, the priest approached the young father and said solemnly:

- Baptism is a serious step. Are you prepared for it?

- I think so - the man replied. My wife has made appetizers and we have a caterer coming to provide plenty of cookies and cakes for all of our guests.

- I don't mean that - the priest responded. I mean, are you prepared spiritually?

- Oh, sure - came the reply. I've got a keg of beer and a case of whiskey.

Seymour was a good and pious man, and when he passed away, the Lord himself greeted him at the pearly gates of heaven.

- Hungry, Seymour? - the Lord asked.

- I could eat - said Seymour.

The Lord opened a can of tuna, and they shared it.

While eating this humble meal, Seymour looked down into Hell and noticed the inhabitants devouring enormous steaks, pheasant, pastries and vodka.

The next day, the Lord again asked Seymour if he were hungry, and Seymour again said:

- I could eat.

Once again, a can of tuna was opened and shared, while down below Seymour noticed a feast of caviar, champagne, lamb, truffles, brandy, and chocolates.

The following day, mealtime arrived and another can of tuna was opened. Meekly, Seymour said:

- Lord, I am very happy to be in heaven as a reward for the good life I lived. But, this is heaven, and all I get to eat is tuna. But in the Other Place, they eat like Kings. I just don't understand.

The Lord said:

- To be honest, Seymour, for just two people, does it pay to cook?

A priest was vested in his surplus and cassock ready to process at the beginning of the service. His surplus was very ornate and he was swinging the incense pot which had smoke coming from it. A lady touched him on the shoulder and said, "Darling, I love your dress; but your purse is on fire!"

A young minister, in the first days of his first parish, was obliged to call upon the widow of an eccentric man who had just died. Standing before the open casket and consoling the widow, he said, "I know this must be a very hard blow, Mrs. Vernon. But we must remember that what we see here is the husk only, the shell...the nut has gone to heaven."

One day God called the Pope, and he said "John Paul, I have good news and bad news. First the good news. I am tired of all the squabbling between the religions. I have decided there will be only the one true religion". The Pope was overjoyed and told God how wise his decision was, then asked "What's the bad news?". God said the bad news is that I am calling from Salt Lake City.

On the airplane on his way back to Rome, the Pope was doing a crossword puzzle. After a while, he turned to the bishop sitting next to him and said:

- What's a four-letter word ending in ‘unt’ which means ‘woman’?

The bishop said:

- Did you try ‘aunt’?

The Pope said:

- Mmmm. Do you have an eraser?