Most commented jokes

A Jesuit, a Dominican and a Franciscan were walking along an old road, debating the greatness of their orders. Suddenly, an apparition of the Holy Family appeared in front of them, with Jesus in a manger and Mary and Joseph praying over him. The Franciscan fell on his face, over come with awe at the of sight God born in such poverty. The Dominican fell to his knees, Adoring the beautiful reflection of the Trinity and the Holy Family. The Jesuit walked up to Joseph, put his arm around his shoulder, and said, "So, where ya thinking of sending the kid for school?"

How can you tell if someone is half Catholic and half Jewish?
→ When he goes to confession, he takes a lawyer with him.

What do a priest and a Christmas tree have in common?
→ They both have balls just for decoration.

Two nuns were driving alone out in the boonies. They ran out of gas. Fortunately they could walk to a gas station not far away, where they asked to purchase a can of gasoline. "I'm sorry, sister," said the attendant, "but all I have for you to carry it in is an old chamberpot." The nuns agreed that this would be fine. They returned to the car.

As they were pouring the gasoline into the tank, a man drove by, stopped his car, and said:

- Oh sister, if only I had your faith.

What's the difference between a nun and a woman taking a shower?
→ The nun has hope in her soul.

And Jesus said unto his disciples:

- Whom do men say that I am?

And His disciples answered unto Him:

- Master, thou art the supreme eschatological manifestation of omnipotent ecclesiastical authority, the absolute, divine, sacerdotal monarch.

And Jesus said:

- What?

A preacher was completing a temperance sermon: with great expression he said:

- If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river.

With even greater emphasis he said:

- And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river.

And then finally, he said:

- And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river.

He sat down.

The song leader then stood very cautiously and announced with a smile:

- For our closing song, let us sing Hymn # 365: "Shall We Gather at the River."

The church was conducting its annual fund drive. One member of the congregation said:

- I give ten dollars.

Just then, a piece of plaster fell from the ceiling and landed on his head. He spoke up again quickly:

- I give a thousand dollars!

The minister said:

- Lord, hit him again!

Three Pastors from the south were having lunch in a diner. One said, "Ya know, since summer started I've been having trouble with bats in my loft and attic at church. I've tried everything-noise, spray, cats-nothing seems to scare them away." Another said, "Yea, me too. I've got hundreds living in my belfry and in the attic. I've even had the place fumigated, and they won't go away." The third said, "I baptized all mine, and made them members of the church... Haven't seen one back since!"

A man was leaving church one day. The Pastor was standing at the door (as he always is) to shake hands with members of the congregation. He grasped the man by the hand and pulled him aside. The Pastor said to him:

- You need to join the Army of the Lord!

The man replied:

- I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor.

Pastor questioned:

- How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?

He whispered back:

- Shhhhhhhhh. I'm in the secret service.