Women Jokes — best jokes

How many 'Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?
→ None: A 'Real Woman' would have plenty of Real Men around to do it.

Which is easier for a man to leave: the women or the Wine?
→ It depends on the age.

What are the three fastest means of communication?
→ Internet, telephone, telawoman.

A man was walking on the beach one day and he found a bottle half buried in the sand. He decided to open it.

Inside was a genie. The genie said, "I will grant you three wishes and three wishes only." The man thought about his first wish and decided,

"I think I want 1 million dollars transferred to a Swiss bank account."

POOF! Next he wished for a Ferrari red in color. POOF! There was the car sitting in front of him. He asked for his final wish, "I wish I was irresistible to women." POOF! He turned into a box of chocolates.

What's the best way to get a youthful figure?
→ Ask a woman her age.

What is the difference between a "Battery" and a woman?
→ A battery has a positive side.

What is cosmetics?
→ Cosmetics is a woman's means for keeping a man from reading between the lines.

A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams.
"Now what should I do?"
His mother has an idea.
"Why don't you send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your apartment for a home cooked meal?"
He thought this was a great strategy, and a week later the woman came to dinner.
His mother called the next day to see how things had gone.
"I was humiliated," he groaned. "She insisted on washing the dishes."
"What's wrong with that?" asked his mother.
"We hadn't started eating yet."

At a family gathering, husband began teasing his wife about how she always get her way. "Honey," she said to her husband, "when I get my way, that's a compromise."
"What is it when I get my way?" he was quick to ask. She replied, "That's a miracle!"

A young woman with a happy, cheerful voice was working in her husband's trucking line office. She answered a phone call from a trucker asking for directions to the terminal. After a short conversation, he said he could hardly wait to meet her. "I just know you are small, blond with blue eyes," he said. "No," young woman replied, "I'm tall, brunette and have brown eyes." "Close enough!" said the trucker.