Police Jokes — best jokes

A rookie police officer was assigned to ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came over the car's radio telling them to disperse some people who were loitering. The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner. The rookie rolled down his window and said, "Let's get off the corner." No one moved, so he barked again, "Let's get off the corner!" Intimidated, the group of people began to leave, casting puzzled glances in his direction. Proud of his first official act, the young policeman turned to his partner and asked, "Well, how did I do?"

"Pretty good," replied the veteran, "especially since this was a bus stop."

A game warden came upon a duck hunter who had bagged 3 ducks and decided to "enforce the laws pending." He stopped the hunter, flashed his badge and said, "Looks like you've had a pretty good day. Mind if I inspect your kill?" The hunter shrugged and handed the ducks to the warden.

The warden took one of the ducks, inserted his finger into the duck's rectum, pulled it out, sniffed it, and said, "This here's a Washington state duck. Do you have a Washington state hunting license?" The hunter pulled out his wallet and calmly showed the warden a Washington state hunting license.

The warden took a second duck, inserted his finger in the bird's rectum, pulled it out, sniffed it, and said, "This here's an Idaho duck. Do you have an Idaho state hunting license?" The hunter, a bit put out, produced an Idaho state hunting license.

The warden took a third duck, conducted the same finger test, and said, "This here's an Oregon state duck. Do you have an Oregon state hunting license?" Once again, only this time more aggravated, the hunter produced the appropriate license.

The warden, a little miffed at having struck out, handed the ducks back to the hunter and said, "You've got all of these licenses, just where the hell are you from?" The hunter dropped his pants, bent over, and said "You're so smart, YOU tell ME!"

What language do the Vatican Police speak?
→ Pig Latin!

A Lutheran minister is driving down to New York to see the radio show and he's stopped in Connecticut for speeding. The state trooper smells alcohol on his breath and then he sees an empty wine bottle on the floor, and he says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"

And the minister says, "Just water."

The sheriff says, "Then why do I smell wine?"

And the minister looks down at the bottle and says, "Good Lord, He's done it again!"

Did you hear that all the toilets at the police station were stolen?
→ Yeah...the cops got nothing to go on.

Mr. Richman has 3 daughters. Their names are nobody, somebody and crazy.

One day nobody and somebody are fighting over a fake eyebrow. Then crazy when to the policeman and she said "Nobody and Somebody are fighting" Then the policeman look at her then he said "What are you talking about?" Then she said again "Nobody and Somebody are fighting" Then the policeman said "What? Are you crazy?" Then she said "Yes but how did you know my name?"

This guy was driving down the highway and was pulled over by the cops. The cop asked the man for his name and the guy replied, "Earl."

"You got a last name, Earl?"

"Nope. It's a long story, Officer."

"I got time."

Earl sighs and says, "Well, Officer, at first I was known as Earl Doo-Daa. I was going to school to become a doctor, and I did, so I was known as Earl Doo-Daa, MD. I got bored just being a doctor so I went to dental school, graduated, and became Earl Doo-Daa, M.D., D.D. After a little more time I fooled around with this girl and got VD. So I was known as Earl Doo-Daa, MD, DD, with VD. When the medical board found out about my VD they took away my MD so I was known as Earl Doo-Daa, DD with VD. The dentistry board also found out about the VD and took away my DD making me Earl Doo-Dah with VD. Finally, the VD took away my Doo-Dah so I'm now just Earl."

A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. "You'll get your chance in court," said the desk sergeant. "No, no, no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"

One night a police officer named Mike was working the grave-yard shift and he drove to his house around 3 A.M. in the morning. He opened the door to the bedroom quietly and took off his clothes in the dark, and got in bed with his wife. Then she said, "Honey, can you go over to the Drug Store and pick me up some Asprin?" The husband said yes, got dressed in the dark, and walked over to the Drug Store.

When he got to the Drug Store, he got the Asprin and went up to the desk so that the clerk could ring it up. Then when he got up there, the clerk asked, "Say, Aren't you Mike This-and-That?"

Mike answered him and said, "Yes I am."

Then the clerk looked puzzled and asked, "Well, aren't you a police officer?"

And again Mike replied yes.

Then the clerk asked, "Then why are you dressed like the fire chief?"

A woman reported the disappearance of her husband to the police. The officer looked at the guy's photograph, questioned her, and then asked if she wanted to give her husband any message if they found him.

"Yes, please" she replied. "Tell him Mother didn't come after all."