Men Jokes — best jokes

What is the difference between men and women?
→ A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need.
A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.

If women don't fool around, and men do fool around, who are the men fooling around with?

Conversation over dinner:

- Woman: What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?

- Man: Definitely not!

- Woman: Why not - don't you like being married?

- Man: Of course I do.

- Woman: Then why wouldn't you remarry?

- Man: Okay, I'd get married again.

- Woman: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)

- Man: (makes audible groan)

- Woman: Would you sleep with her in our bed?

- Man: Where else would we sleep?

- Woman: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her?

- Man: That would seem like the proper thing to do.

- Woman: And would you let her use my golf clubs?

- Man: She can't use them; she's left-handed.

- Woman: - - - silence - - -

- Man: Oh Shit.

How do you turn a Fox into a Pit Bull?
→ Marry her!

An English professor wrote the words, "woman without her man is a savage" on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly.

The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is a savage."

The women wrote: "Woman: Without her, man is a savage."

- Novice: Do clever men make good husbands?

- Sage: Clever men don't BECOME husbands!

This fellow dies and goes to heaven. God offers to answer three questions.

- Guy: Why are girls so pretty?

- God: So you'll like them.

- Guy: Why are girls soft?

- God: So you'll like them.

- Guy: Why are girls so dumb?

- God: So they'll like you.

Why do women pay more attention to their appearance than to improving their minds?
→ Because most men are stupid, but few are blind.

Why is it so hard for women to find kind, sweet, sensitive men in this world?
→ Because they already have boyfriends!

Two mates are having a chat over a beer.

"Do you like sheilas with bad body odour and bad breath?" one bloke asks his friend.

"No way!" his mate replies.

"Well," says the first bloke, "do you like pussies you could hide a watermelon in?"

"Fuck no!" his mate replies.

"Well," says the first bloke, "what the hell are you doing fuckin' around with my wife?"