Language Jokes — best jokes

If a farmer raises wheat in dry weather, what does he raise in wet weather?
→ An umbrella.

What is a Mexican weather report?
→ Chilli today, hot tamale.

What doesn't get any wetter no matter how much it rains?
→ The ocean

- Waiter, this coffee tastes like dirt!

- Yes sir, thats because it was only ground this morning.

A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat.
He came across two men. One was sitting under a tree reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter. The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him.
Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest, and writers cramp.

Why don't lobsters share?
→ They're shellfish.

What purrs along the road and leaves holes in the lawn?
→ A Moles Royce.

What happened to the lizard in the wizard's garden pond?
→ He had him newt-ered.

There was once a puppy called May who loved to pick quarrels with animals who were bigger than she was. One day she argued with a lion. The next day was the first of June.

Why? Because that was the end of May!

What is a buttress?
→ A female goat.