Language Jokes — best jokes

This is a telephonic exchange between a hotel guest and room service at a hotel in Asia. It was recorded and published in the Far East Economic Review:

- Room Service: Morny. Ruin sorbees.

- Guest: Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service.

- RS: Rye. Ruin sorbees..morny! Djewish to odor sunteen??

- Guest: Uh..yes.. I'd like some bacon and eggs.

- RS: Ow July den?

- G: What??

- RS: Ow July den - fry, boy, pooch?

- G: Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled, please.

- RS: Ow July dee bayhcem - crease?

- G: Crisp will be fine

- RS: Hokay. An San tos?

- G: What?

- RS: San tos. July San tos?

- G: I don't think so

- RS: No? Judo one toes??

- G: I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo one toes' means.

- RS: Toes! toes!.. Why djew Don Juan toes? Ow bow singlishmopping we bother?

- G: English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast.' Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine.

- RS: We bother?

- G: No..just put the bother on the side.

- RS: Wad?

- G: I mean butter - just put it on the side.

- RS: Copy?

- G: Sorry?

- RS: Copy...tea...mill?

- G: Yes. Coffee please, and that's all.

- RS: One Minnie. Ass ruin torino fee, strangle ache, crease baychem, tossy singlish mopping we bother honeysigh, and copy....rye??

- G: Whatever you say.

- RS: Tendjewberrymud

- G: You're welcome

Have a good day

A high school senior was inspecting Harvard University, where he hoped to attend the following autumn. As he was walking across the Quad, he stopped a distinguished-looking man and asked: "Sir, can you please tell me where your library is at?"

The man looked down his nose and replied: "Son, I'm head of the English department, and I can assure you we don't end our sentences with prepositions. Re-cast your sentence in a proper form and I will reply."

"Can you tell me where your library is at, ass-hole?"

A case for the Third Universal Cardinal Rule of Thumb: Never be absolute, unless absolutely necessary: A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. "In English," he said, "A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative." A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."

Now that Uday & Qusay have been eliminated, a lot of the lesser-known Hussein family members are coming to the attention of American authorities.

Among the brothers:

• Sooflay ... the restauranteur
• Guday ... the half-Australian brother
• Huray ... the sports fanatic
• Bejay ... the gay brother
• Kuntay & Kintay ... the twins from the African mother
• Sayhay ... the baseball player
• Ojay ... the stalker / murderer
• Gulay ... the singer / entertainer
• Ebay ... the internet czar
• Biliray ... the country music star
• Ecksray ... the radiologist
• Puray ... the blender factory owner
• Tupay ... the one with bad hair

Among the sisters:

• Pusay ... the 'loose' 22 yr old
• Lattay ... the coffee shop owner
• Bufay ... the 300 pound sister
• Dushay ... the clean sister
• Phayray ... the zoo worker in the gorilla house
• Sapheway ... the grocery store owner
• Ollay ... the half-mexican sister
• Gudlay ... the prostitute

More will, no doubt, be discovered...including A.A. Sidday, Oz weekend TV Host.

What is George W. Bush's favorite town in Texas?
→ Kilgore, TX

Only in America... do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

Definition: Politics
Poli (Poly): Many....
Tic(k)s: Blood sucking creatures

At a U.N. meeting the American ambassador turned to the Japanese ambassador and whispered, "When was your last election?" The Japanese ambassador turned bright red and whispered back, "before bleakfast."

If Ted Kennedy, Dan Quayle, Bob Packwood and Bill Clinton all had a spelling contest, which one would win?
→ Dan Quayle. He's the only one who knows that harass is one word.

What is the meaning of "sanctity"?
→ It's french, for a lady with five breasts.