Ethnic — best jokes

Two Poles, Markowski and Krachevski go to France on a pleasure trip. They meet this Frenchman called Jean Paul and become good pals. Jean Paul finds these two Poles some-what amusing and so he goes all out to make them happy. He treats them at pubs, bars, discotheques.

This goes on for a while until one fine day Jean Paul does not turn up. The Poles assume that some important work would have held him up and do not take a serious note of it. But, perhaps something was serious as Jean Paul does not turn up for next five days.

At this the Poles get alarmed and go to the police station to lodge a report. The inspector asks them to give details of the person who's missing. The following conversation follows:

- Markowski: Well, his name is Jean Paul.

- Inspector: It's a very common name in France. Something more please.

- Krachevski: Well, he is very tall.

- Inspector: Most of the people in France are tall. Big deal.

- Markowski: Well, he's got blue eyes.

- Inspector: Oh! no. Something more substantial.

- Krachevski: I got it. This is slightly uncommon. I'm sure now you shall be able to track him. You see, He's got two holes in his ass.

- Inspector: (shocked): Well, well, that's curious. Are you sure?

- Krachevski: Ya! Ya!

- Inspector: Are you definitely sure that this very personal info you have is CORRECT?

- Krachevski: Most certainly.

- Inspector (still skeptical): But how're you so sure?

- Krachevski: Simple. Whenever we used to go with him to the bar, everyone used to greet him as "Here comes Jean Paul with the two ass-holes!"

Did you hear about the Polish Admiral who wanted to be buried at sea when he died?

Five sailors died digging his grave.

A Polish man was walking down the street, carrying a brown paper bag. He ran into one of his friends, who asked, "Hey! What do you have in the bag?"

The man tells his friend that he has some fish in the bag.

His friend says, "Well, I'll make you a bet. If I can guess how many fish you have in the bag, you'll have to give me one."

The man says, "I'll tell you what. If you tell me how many fish I have in this bag, I'll give you both of them."

Who wears a dirty white robe and rides a pig?
→ Lawrence of Poland

Who wears a forest ranger's hat and carries a can of kerosene?
→ Stanislaus the Fire Prevention Bear of the Polish National Forest Service.

A Polak, a black guy, and a white guy were driving through the desert when they suddenly ran out of gas. They all decided to start walking to the nearest town (which they had passed 50 miles back) to get some help.

A rancher was sitting on his front porch that evening when he saw the white guy top the horizon and walk toward him. The rancher noticed that the white guy was carrying a glass of water, so when he was within hearing distance, the rancher said, "Hi there...what are you doing carring a glass of water through the desert?"

The white guy explained his predicament and explained that since he had a long way to go, he might get thirsty, so that's why he was carrying the water.

A little while later the rancher noticed the black guy walking toward him with a loaf of bread in his hand. "What are you doing?" asked the rancher again.

As before, the black guy explained the situation and said that since he had a long way to go, he might get hungry and that's why he had the bread.

Finally the Polak appeared, dragging a car door through the sand. More curious than ever, the rancher asked, "Hey, why are you dragging that car door?"

"Well," said the Polak, "I have a long way to go, so if it gets too hot, I'll roll down the window."

Did you hear about the tragedy in Poland? In Poland's largest shopping mall, there was a terrible power outage. People were stuck on the escalators for 4 hours.

Did you hear about the Polish family that froze to death outside a theater?

They were waiting to see the movie "Closed for the Winter."

Two Polish truck drivers are barreling along when they come up to an overpass. A sign says, "Clearance: 11"2'." So they get out, measure their truck, and realize that it's 11"6'. So the first Polak looks at the second Polak and says, "I don't see any cops around....let's go for it!"

Polish Air Lines flight 113 was descending for a landing at an airport they had never been to before. The pilot looked out the windshield and suddenly exclaimed to the copilot, "Holy cow! Look how short the runway is! I`ve never seen one that short!"

The copilot looked out the windshield. "Wow! you`re right! That`s incredible! Are you sure we can make it?" "Well we better, we're almost out of fuel."

So the captain got on the intercom and notified the passengers to put their heads between their knees and prepare for an emergency landing. Then he set the flaps to full down and slowed the plane to just over stall speed. The big jumbo jet came screaming in, on the ragged edge of control. The pilot`s hands were sweating, the copilot was praying. They touched down and came screeching to a halt JUST before the edge of the runway, the tires smoking.

"WHEW! That was CLOSE!" yelled the captain.

"That runway was SHORT!"

"Yeah!" said the copilot, "and WIDE too!"