Computer Jokes — best jokes

What do you get when you cross a Jewish American Princess with a computer?
→ A computer that never goes down on you.

How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
→ Rename the mail folder to "instruction manuals"

Abraham wants to upgrade his PC to Windows 95.

Isaac is incredulous. 'Pop,' he says, 'you can't run Windows 95 on your old, slow 386. Everyone knows that you need at least a fast 486 with a minimum of 16 megs of memory in order to multitask effectively with Windows 95.' But Abraham, the man of faith, gazed calmly at his son and replied, 'God will provide the RAM, my son'.

We've all heared that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the internet, we know this is not true.

Why did Marshall Applewhite insist that his follwers be castrated?
→ He heard that to be really successful on the Internet you have to work with UNIX.

I heard on the news last night that Bill Gates and his wife are expecting a baby in June.

I'm betting the baby will be late.

A hopeful suitor dropped into a computer-dating center and registered his qualifications. He wanted someone who enjoyed water sports, liked company, favored formal attire, and was very small. The computer operated faultlessly. It sent him a penguin.

If Wang made toasters...

Marketing would never agree upon what customers really want or need in a toaster so millions of dollars would be spent in development and the toaster would be several years late.

Just after release Wang would buy another company whose toaster ran on NT but would find that they got more orders for the original.

If Cray made toasters...

They would cost $16 million but would be faster than any other single-slice toaster in the world, at least for a couple of years.

If Hewlett-Packard made toasters...

They would market the Reverse Polish Toaster, which takes in toast and gives you regular bread.