Animal Jokes — best jokes

Why did the punk cross the road?
→ Because he was stapled to the chickens back.

What do you call a man with his right hand in a sharks mouth?
→ Lefty.

What do you do if you come across an elephant in the jungle?
→ Wipe it off and say you're sorry.

Why did the pervert cross the road?
→ He was stuck to the chicken.

Do you know what a dog and a screen door have in common?
→ the more you bang them the looser they get.

What's the brown stuff between the elephants toes?
→ Slow natives.

What do elephants use for tampoons?
→ Sheep.

Lawyers don't hunt elephants, but they do follow the herds around arguing about who owns the droppings. Software lawyers will claim that they own an entire herd based on the look and feel of one dropping.

Computer scientists hunt elephants using algorithm A:

1. Go to Africa
2. Start at the Cape of Good Hope
3. Work northward in an orderly manner, traversing the continent alternately East and West.
4. During each traverse

• a. Catch each animal seen
• b. Compare each animal caught to a known elephant
• c. Stop when a match is detected.

Experienced computer programmers modify Algorithm A by placing a known elephant in Cairo to ensure that the algorithm will terminate.

Mathematicians hunt elephants by going to Africa, throwing out everything that is not an elephant, and catching one of whatever is left.

Professors of mathematics prove the existence of at least one elephant and leave the capture of an actual elephant as an exercise for one of their graduate students.