Animal Jokes — best jokes

What kind of bees make milk?
→ Boobies!

An Alaskan woman having car trouble pulls her Station Wagon into the local Exxon service station and has it looked over.

The Chillyland mechanic from under the hood says:

- Ma'am it looks like you blew a seal.

The Alaskan woman replies wiping her face:

- No, it's just Mayonaise.

Did you here about the new dog breed of dog?

It's a cross between a Pittbull and a Collie.

First it bites off your leg, and then it runs for help.

This just in: A well known college professor has been arrested and accused of putting marijuana in the food that seagulls consume. When asked why he did this he stated - "I want to leave no tern unstoned"

A gorilla was walking thru' a jungle when he came across a deer eating grasses in a clearing. The gorilla roared, "Who's the king of the jungle?", and the deer replied, "Oh, you are, Master." The gorilla walked off pleased. Soon he came across a zebra drinking at a water hole. Again, he roared, "Who's the king of the jungle?", of course, the zebra replied, "You are, master." The gorilla walked of pleased. Then he came across an elephant. "Who's the king of the jungle?", he roared again, at the elephant. With that, the elephant threw the gorilla across a tree and jumped on him.

The gorilla scraped himself up off the ground and said, "Ok, ok, there's no need to get mad just because you don't know the answer!"

What happens when a frog parks illegaly?
→ It gets toad!

A panda bear walks into a bar, and tells the bartender that he wants to have lunch. The bartender gives him a menu and he orders.

The panda bear eats his lunch, and when he finishes, he gets up to leave. Suddenly, the panda bear pulls an AK-47 out of his fur, and shoots the bar to pieces. He then heads for the door.

The shocked bartender jumps out from behind the destroyed bar and yells:

- Hey, what do you think you're doing? You ate lunch, shot up my bar, and now you're just going to leave?

The panda bear answers calmlly:

- I'm a panda bear.

The bartender says:

- Yeah, so?

The panda bear replies:

- Look it up, and walks out the door.

The bartender jumps back behind the ruined bar and grabs his encyclopedia. He looks up "panda bear," and sure enough, there is a picture of the panda bear.

He reads the caption, which says:

- Panda Bear--a cuddly, black and white creature. Eats shoots and leaves.

How many rednecks does it take to eat a possum?
→ Three. One to eat it and two to watch for cars.

What do you call a dog with no legs?
→ It don't matter what you call him, he ain't commin'!

What's the difference between a white owl and a black owl?
→ A white owl goes WHO WHO WHO. A black owl goes WHODAT WHODAT WHODAT