Animal Jokes — best jokes

What do you get when you put an experimental monkey in a blender?
→ Rhesus Pieces.

Why are gorillas so noisy?
→ They were raised in a zoo!

Why did the gorilla fall out of the tree?
→ Because it was dead.

What's black and dangerous and lives in a tree?
→ A gorilla with a machine gun.

A man walks outside to his car for work, when he notices a gorilla in his tree. He rushs to his phone book and finds the animal control number, calls and asks them to send over someone who's a gorilla expert.

When the man arrives, he is carrying a shotgun, a chihuahua and a pair of handcuffs. The man says:

- What are all of those for?

The animal control officer says:

- I'll climb up in the tree, knock the gorilla down, the dog will bite him in the nuts and you must slap the handcuffs on his wrists.

The man asks:

- What is the gun for?

The animal control officer responds:

- If I fall first, you shoot the dog!

What do you call a rich frog ?
→ A golf blooded reptile !

How do frogs manage to lay so many eggs ?
→ They sit eggsaminations !

- I'd like a new frog, please.

- But you bought one only yesterday. What happened?

- It Kermit-ted suicide.

What do you call a frog with no hind legs?
→ Unhoppy!!

A librarian was quietly working when three chickens walked in and jumped on to the counter eyed her and said:

- BUK BUK BUK

Not sure she was sane she gave the chikens three books and they left.

An hour later in walked the chickens again jumped onto the counter, returned the books they had taken earlier and said:

- BUK BUK BUK

Now convinced she was out of her mind she gave them three books, they took one each and left. This time she decided to follow them. She followed them down to the local pond and stood horrified as they threw the books into the water.

All of a sudden they flew back out of the pond and a frog stuck it's head up saying:

- RREDIT RREDIT RREDIT!