Animal Jokes — best jokes

What do you call a gay dinosaur?
→ Mega-sore-ass.

What do elephants use for tampons?
→ Sheep.

What's the difference between a mosquito and a blonde?
→ When you slap a mosquito, it will stop sucking.

Whats the difference between premenstrual tension and BSE?
→ One's mad cow disease, the other's an agricultural problem.

If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
→ The swallow.

What is the difference between a hog and a man?
→ A hog doesn't have to sit in a bar and buy drinks all night just so he can f*** some pig.

Why did god give blonds 2% more brains than horses?
→ Because he didn't want them shitting in the streets during parades.

What do you call 3 blondes, a chimp, and another blonde standing on a street corner?
→ 4 f*cks, 4 f*cks, 4 f*cks, not for a zillion f*cks, 4 f*cks!

What does a blonde and a turtle have in common?
→ If either one of them end up on there back they are both f*cked.

A man wakes up early one morning and decides to go Bear hunting.
He tells his wife:

- You've got three choices; you can go Bear hunting with me, I'll do you anally or you can give me a blowjob. I'm gonna load up the truck and get the dog out.

- Make up your mind before I get back.

The man returns twenty minutes later and says:

- Well what's it gonna be?

She say's:

- There's no way I'm going Bear hunting and you're not doing my ass so I guess it's a blowjob.

A couple minutes later she starts choking and spitting and says:

- Jesus, you taste like shit.

- Oh yeah - he replies - The dog didn't want to go Bear hunting' either.