At three o'clock one morning a veterinary surgeon was woken from a deep sleep by the ringing of his telephone. He staggered downstairs and answered the phone. "I'm sorry if I woke you," said a voice at the other end of the line. "That's all right," said the vet, "I had to get up to answer the telephone anyway."
- Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a telephone.
- Doctor: Why's that?
- I keep getting calls in the night.
What do ghosts use to phone home?
→ A terror-phone.
What do you call an elephant in a phone box?
→ Stuck.
After my wife and her former best buddy, another Air Force wife, were separated by a move that posted one husband on the opposite coast, the telephone became their chief means of communication. When our phone bills showed astronomical increases, the other spouse and I sought relief. Since we both owned computers, we encourage our wives to use electronic mail.
Now they call on the phone to let each other know that e-mail was sent, then call back to confirm that it arrived and have a conversation about the contents!
A man coughed violently, and his false teeth shot across the room and smashed against the wall.
- Oh, dear - he said - whatever shall I do? I can't afford a new set.
- Don't worry - said his friend.
- I'll get a pair from my brother for you.
The next day the friend came back with the teeth, which fitted perfectly.
- This is wonderful - said the man.
- Your brother must be a very good dentist.
- Oh, he's not a dentist - replied the friend.
- he's an undertaker.
Why did the old lady cover her mouth with her hands when she sneezed?
→ To catch her false teeth.
What happened to the man who put his false teeth in backwards?
→ He ate himself!
What did the vampire call his false teeth?
→ A new fangled device.
- Fan: I've always admired you. Are your teeth your own?
- Actor: Whose do you think they are?
