Best jokes

They say that the new super computer knows everything. A skeptical man came and asked the computer:

- Where is my father?

The computer bleeped for a short while, and then came back with:

- Your father is fishing in Michigan.

The skeptical man said triumphantly:

- You see? I knew this was nonsense. My father has been dead for twenty years.

- No - replied the super computer immediately. Your mother's husband has been dead for twenty years. Your father just landed a three pound trout.

Why all Pascal programmers ask to live in Atlantis?
→ Because it is below C level.

The boy is smoking and leaving smoke rings into the air.
The girl gets irritated with the smoke and says to her lover:

- Can't you see the warning written on the cigarettes packet, smoking is injurious to health!

The boy replies back:

- Darling, I am a programmer. We don't worry about warnings, we only worry about errors.

Once a programmer drowned in the sea.
Many Marines where at that time on the beach, but the programmer was shouting "F1 F1" and nobody understood it.

A system programmer came home from work almost at dawn and told his wife enthusiastically:

- Tonight I have installed a new release of MVS/ESA together with VM/CMS and CICS/VS.

- G.O.O.D - answered his wife.

How do you keep a programmer in the shower all day?
→ Give him a bottle of shampoo which says "lather, rinse, repeat."

Why do programmers always get Christmas and Halloween mixed up?
→ Because DEC 25 = OCT 31

The attention span of a computer is as long as its electrical cord.

My computer isn't that nervous. It's just a bit ANSI.

Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.