Best jokes

Why does Chelsea look so stupid and ugly?
→ Heredity.

Why is Bill Clinton diverting federal funds from improving schools to improving jails?
→ Because when his term is through, he won't be going to school.

If Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, Al Gore, and Tipper took a boat ride and the boat capsized, who would be saved?
→ The United States of America!

How did Bill Clinton get a crick in his neck?
→ Trying to save both faces.

If Bill and Hillary jumped together off the Washington monument, who'd land first?
→ Who cares!

Why is Bill Clinton's economic plan called positively atheist?
→ Because it hasn't got a prayer.

Why is Bill Clinton called "middle of the road Democrat"?
→ Because he's got a wide yellow stripe down the middle of his two-lane back.

Did you hear that the Clinton's had Air Force 1 remodeled?
→ Now it's got two left wings.

During a recent publicity outing, Hillary sneaked off to visit a fortune teller of some local repute. In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news:

- There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt: Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year.

Visibly shaken, Hillary stared at the woman's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know. She met the fortune teller's gaze, steadied her voice, and asked her question:

- Will I be acquitted?

What's Clinton's favorite baseball team?
→ The Dodgers.