Best jokes

Why did the dentist make a poor date with the manicurist?
→ Because they fought both tooth and nail!

What does the dentist of the year get?
→ A little plaque.

- I am sorry, madam, but I shall have to charge you hundred dollars for pulling your boy's tooth.

- Hundred dollars! Why, I understood you to say that you charged only twenty dollars for such work!

- Yes - replied the dentist - but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared out four other patients out of the office.

- Patient: It must be tough spending all day with your hands in someone's mouth.

- Dentist: I just think of it as having my hands in their wallet.

- Dentist begging the patient: Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams?

- Patient: Why? Doc, it isn't all that bad this time.

- Dentist: There are so many people in the waiting room right now and I don't want to miss the 4 o'clock ball game.

Why do cemeteries have fences around them?
→ Because people are dying to get in.

A man was sitting in the electric chair. The executioner said:

- Look, I'm sorry but I'm going to have to throw the switch in a minute.

The man said:

- Do me a favor and throw it out the window!

What did the dead raccoon say in his will?
→ "Leave it to Beaver."

Phoning the florist to order some flowers for her lover's funeral, woman was caught off guard when asked what message she wanted on the card:

- Message? - she sputtered.

- Well, I guess, 'You will be missed.'

Visiting the funeral home, she was pleased that her floral tribute had arrived but mortified that the card had her exact words:

- I guess you will be missed.

This elderly Newfoundland fisherman is on his deathbed and summons his 3 sons to his bedside. "Well boys, the time is near, and when I pass I'd like to be buried at sea." So the boys agreed. A few days after his passing, the local front page read, "Local Fishermen Were Shocked Today When Their Nets Brought in Patrick McRay in a Coffin, 3 Shovels and the Bodies of His Three Sons... Funeral arrangements haven't yet been made, however, it is believed all wished to be buried at sea."