Best jokes

A violist and a cellist were standing on a sinking ship together.

- Help! - cried the cellist

- I can't swim!

- Don't worry - said the violist

- just fake it.

How do you get a viola section to play spiccato?
→ Write a whole note with "solo" above it.

When a 16-inch viola and a 17-inch viola are dropped simultaneously from a 30-story building, which one hits the pavement first?
→ Who cares!

Why are orchestra intermissions only twenty minutes long?
→ So the violists don't need to be retrained.

Which positions does a violist use?
→ First, third, and emergency.

How is lightning like a violist's fingers?
→ Neither one strikes in the same place twice.

What is the definition of a major seventh?
→ A violist playing octaves.

Why can't you hear a viola on a digital recording?
→ Recording technology has reached such an advanced level of development that all extraneous noise is eliminated.

What is the difference between a dog and a viola?
→ The dog knows when to stop scratching.

What do you call the folks who hang around the musicians at conservatories?
→ Violists.