Best jokes

What is the definition of an optimist?
→ An accordion player with a pager.

A tourist is sightseeing in a European city. She comes upon the tomb of Beethoven, and begins reading the commerative plaque, only to be distracted by a low scratching noise, as if something was rubbing against a piece of paper.

She collars a passing native and asks what the scratching sound is.

The local person replies:

- Oh, that is Beethoven. He's decomposing.

Fritz Kriesler and Rachmaninov had a recital in Carnegie Hall once. In the middle of the music, Kriesler got lost and turned around to ask Rachmaninov:

- Where are we?

Rachmaninov said:

- Carnegie Hall, sir!

What do you call a male quartet?
→ Three men and a tenor.

What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?
→ A pair of Re-bachs.

What's musical and handy in a supermarket?
→ A Chopin Liszt.

Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?
→ Because he's Haydn!

How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
→ Seven; one to change and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.

How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
→ Twenty. 1 to hold the bulb, 2 to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.

How many bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ Two. One to screw it in, and one to complain that it's electrified.