A young husband with an inferiority complex insisted he was just a little pebble on a vast beach.
The marriage counselor, trying to be creative, told him, "If you wish to save your marriage, you'd better be a little boulder."
The following conversation took place one morning between a wife and her husband. They were discussing government cost cuts that they recently heard about in the paper.
"Steve," his wife said, while reading the newspaper, "it looks like our government is going to cut overhead and trim down the military forces. They are going to eliminate six overaged destroyers."
To which the husband replies, "Sorry to hear that, dear. I'm sure you'll miss your mother being gone."
These are taken from real resumes and cover letters and were printed in Fortune Magazine:
What is the difference between a cello and a coffin?
→ The coffin has the corpse on the inside.
Why are orchestra intermissions limited to 20 minutes?
→ So you don't have to retrain the cellists.
How do you get a cellist to play fortissimo?
→ Write 'pp, espressivo'.
Theorem: 1 + 1 = 2
Proof:
n(2n - 2) = n(2n - 2)
n(2n - 2) - n(2n - 2) = 0
(n - n)(2n - 2) = 0
2n(n - n) - 2(n - n) = 0
2n - 2 = 0
2n = 2
n + n = 2
or setting n = 1
1 + 1 = 2
What's a glow worms favorite song?
→ Wake me up before you glow glow!
What do you call a 100 spiders on a tyre?
→ A spinning wheel!
What did the spider say to the fly?
→ We're getting married do you want to come to the webbing?
What kind of doctors are like spiders?
→ Spin doctors!
Where would you put an injured insect?
→ In an antbulance!
