Best jokes

What do Viagra And Disney Land have in common?
→ They both cause you to stand around for an hour waiting for a two minute ride!

Definition of bad lover:
An earthquake occurs during sex. Afterwards he asks the woman if she felt the earth move. She says no.

A doctor's advice to young bride regarding the use of the diaphragm: "Use it on every conceivable occasion."

There's an elderly man and woman sitting in the sunroom of a retirement home. The old man says to the woman:

- For five dollars, I'll have sex with you on that rocking chair over there. For ten dollars, I'll have sex with you on that couch. But for twenty dollars, I'll take you to my room, light a few candles and give you a romantic evening of passion you'll never forget.

The woman considers it a moment and then, after fishing through her purse, produces a twenty dollar bill. The man says:

- So, you want the romantic night in my room, eh?

The woman replies:

- No, I want four times in the rocker.

Two men were talking.

- So, how's your sex life?

- Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex.

- Social Security sex?

- Yeah, you know: I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!

You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do. What am I?
→ A Tent

What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?
→ Firetruck

One Friday afternoon, two secretaries were hanging around the watercooler at the office.

- Veronica, I just don't know what to do, - Gloria said to her friend at work.

- That good-looking Alex in accounting asked me out on a date for Saturday night. Should I go?

- Oh, my God! - her friend exclaimed.

- He'll wine you, dine you, and then use any ruse to get you up to his apartment. Then he'll rip off your dress and you'll have fantastic s*x!

- What should I do? - asked Gloria.

Her friend quickly replied:

- Wear an old dress.

Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F and G are the letters used to define bra sizes?

If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for... It is about time you became informed!

- A - Almost Boobs...

- B - Barely there.

- C - Can't Complain!

- D - Damn!

- DD - Double damn!

- E - Enormous!

- G - GEEEEzus Christ!

- F - Fake.

A woman asks her husband if he'd like some breakfast. "Would you like bacon and eggs, perhaps? A slice of toast? Grapefruit and coffee to follow?" she asks. He declines. "It's this Viagra," he says, "It's really taken the edge off my appetite." At lunchtime, she asks if he would like something. "A bowl of home-made soup, home-made muffins or a cheese sandwich?" she inquires. He declines. "It's this Viagra," he says, "It's really taken the edge off my appetite." Come dinnertime, she asks if he wants anything to eat. She'll go to the store and buy him some food. "Would you like maybe a steak and apple pie? Maybe you'd like a pizza micro waved or a tasty stir-fry? That would only take a couple of minutes." He declines. "It's this Viagra," he says, "It's really taken the edge off my appetite." "Well," she says, "would you mind letting me up, then? I'm starving!"