Best jokes

Why did god invent alcohol?
→ So fat women can get laid too.

How is a woman like a road?
→ Both have manholes.

How is a woman like an airplane?
→ Both have cockpits.

What do you call a truckload of vibrators?
→ Toys for Twats.

Why is psycho-analysis so much easier for men rather than women?
→ Because when it comes time to revert to childhood, men are already there.

3 pregnant women were waiting in the doctor's waiting room for an antenatal check-up and were all knitting garments for there respective babies.

Suddnely the first expectant mother stops knitting, checks her watch, pulls a bottle of pills from her handbag and takes one...

- What was that? - the other two ask, curiously.

- Calcium tablet. Good for mommy, good for little baby - she replies, patting her stomach affectionately.

Satisfied, all 3 continue with their knitting...

5 minutes later, the second one stops knitting, checks her watch, takes a bottle of pills from her handbag and takes one..

- What was that? - the other two enquire.

"Vitamin tablet", she replies, "Good for mommy, good for little baby" and she pats her stomach affectionately.

All 3 smile and continue busily with their knitting...

5 minutes later, the last woman stops knitting, checks her watch, takes a bottle of pills from her handbag and takes one..

- What was that? - ask the other two..

"Thalidomide. I can't knit sleeves..."

Why are girls like pianos?
→ When they're not upright, they're grand...

Why do they call it PMS?
→ Mad Cow disease was already taken.

Why do women get PMS?
→ THEY JUST FUCKING DO ALRIGHT!?

What does a girl with bulimia call two fingers?
→ Desert.