Best jokes

At a U.N. meeting the American ambassador turned to the Japanese ambassador and whispered, "When was your last election?" The Japanese ambassador turned bright red and whispered back, "before bleakfast."

Bill and Hillary are at a restaurant. The waiter tells them tonight's special is chicken almondine and fresh fish. "The chicken sounds good, I'll have that," Hillary says. The waiter nods. "And the vegetable?" he asks. "Oh, He'll have the fish," Hillary replies.

Bill and Hillary are at the first baseball game of the season. Suddenly Clinton grabs Hillary by the collar and throws her over the side and onto the field. The stunned umpire shouted, "No, Mr. President! I said, Throw the first PITCH!"

What do pub landlords say in Kosovo at chucking out time?
→ Come on you lot, have you not got any homes to go to?

Will sell for parts one F-117 Plane in wrecked condition. Self pick-up from Yugoslavia by buyer

Serbian official press agency claimed today that Serbian forces shot down two F-117 Planes and four Ballistic "smart" missiles.

Pentagon denied the statement, saying that all of them had safely returned to NATO's base.

- Little Boy: What will communism be like when perfected?

- His Father: Everyone will have what he needs.

- LB: But what if there is a shortage of meat?

- HF: There will be a sign in the butcher shop saying, "No one needs meat today."

Why is Bill Clinton happy he named his dog "Buddy?"
→ Because it's a BAD TIME to be yelling "come Spot!" in the Whitehouse.

Monica Lewinsky's tell-all book about her affair with the U.S. President has, for one Winnipeg Chapters outlet, not sold all that well after its first day on the shelves, as reported by CBC Radio News.

To draw attention to the book, or to perhaps add some perspective, the Lewinksy book had three other titles surrounding it on its display:

- "Divorce for Dummies"

- "100 Ways to Leave Your Lover"

- "How to Remove Stains"

Former Vice President Quayle, Speaker of the House Gingrich, and President Clinton are traveling in a car together in Kansas. A tornado comes along and whirls them up into the air and tosses them thousands of yards away. They all fall into a daze. When they come to and extract themselves from the vehicle, they realize they're in the fabled Land of Oz. They decide to go see the famous Wizard of Oz. The Wizard is known for granting people their wishes.

Quayle says:

- I'm going to ask the Wizard for a brain.

Gingrich responds:

- I'm going to ask the Wizard for a heart.

Clinton speaks up:

- Where's Dorothy?